Do You Believe in Love at First Sight?
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Fine print; I can’t be held responsible for decisions made based on the advice herein. These are only my opinions. I’m not a therapist. I’m just one of those people other people go to for advice, even though I don’t always have my act together in my own life. Go figure.
Do you believe in love at first sight? I recently broke up with my boyfriend of 5 years, and thought it would be a lot harder than it actually was. However, I’ve been dating a new man now and I can honestly say that I am head over heels for him. I’ve known him for a while and don’t believe it to be infatuation, but I’m so skeptical that it’s hard for me to believe in love at first sight even though all signs point to that. We’re already engaged and plan on waiting a while to marry but I really want to know if you believe in love at first sight? Also, are we moving too fast?
– Lucky in Love?
Dear Lucky in Love –
As a rule, I tend to believe that true love, lasting love, develops over time. The feelings we have for someone when we’re first dating are more often infatuation. Even when you think you really know someone in the very beginning, the brain plays tricks on us, making imperfections and quirks seem charming and cute instead of the annoying, I’m-going-to-scream-if-you-do-that-one-more-time habits that seem more noticeable as time passes.
That said, it doesn’t sound like you’ve just met your boyfriend. You don’t say how long you’ve been dating, but it sounds like maybe you’ve been friends for awhile? If this is the case, it’s more likely that you DO, in fact, know each other and are less likely to have unpleasant surprises later. In this case, it really ISN’T love at first sight.
You also don’t say how long it was after you ended your five year relationship that you began dating Mr. Right. I’m a firm believer that everyone needs time alone after a long-term relationship before jumping into something new. Relationships change us in ways we don’t expect, and I’ve always thought it wise to take time to reflect when one ends – on how it changed you, why it didn’t work, what YOUR part in its not working was, and how to avoid making the same mistake next time. I’ve been physically separated from my soon-to-be ex-husband for two years now, and haven’t dated at all. It’s ben really good for me to be alone (with my kids). It’s given me some time to think about where things went wrong and what I can do to make better decisions next time. It’s also made me absolutely positive that I CAN be alone. Not only that, but I can be truly HAPPY and fulfilled alone. I think that will make me a better partner for someone when the right person comes along.
All this said, I don’t know enough about your specific circumstances to be more detailed. I think it’s wise to have a long engagement, and perhaps you can spend some of that time asking yourself the difficult questions we all have to ask when we’ve ended one relationship and are embarking on something new.
Wishing you the best, and a very happy engagement!