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Open Mic – Thursday Night Write

February 18, 2010

I had so much fun reading your pieces from last week’s prompt! They were all wildly original and wonderful and thought-provoking.

I think it was nice to mix it up a little, so from now on, I’m going to call my Thursday post Thursday Night Writes and mix it up between writing prompts for Flash Fiction, our beloved Open Mic, and anything else writing-related that sounds fun.

I love the interaction we have going here and continue to be amazed at how warm and encrouraging you are to one another. I’m talking to an author friend of mine about starting a writing-related forum where we could all interact regularly and have been fortunate enough to have one of my blog readers (and an amazing writer herself) offer to help moderate. I’ll let you guys know if anything comes of it, but in the meantime, please continue to share your work here on Thursdays and I’ll continue to read it. Even more awesome, I know for a fact that other published writers – and even agents and editors – are stopping by to take a look as well.


Same rules apply; 300 words or less, please comment at least one other entry if you leave a post. I’m trying to read and comment all of them, but as the feature grows, it’s getting tougher! The earlier you leave your piece, the greater the chance I’ll have time to comment. And if you haven’t posted by Thursday night, you might want to consider waiting until next time so you get more views.

And here… we… go.

71 Comments leave one →
  1. February 22, 2010 6:11 pm

    Oh, wow, so suspensefull! Which makes it even more wrong to leave me hanging! 😛

  2. Ayla permalink
    February 21, 2010 11:45 am

    This is a short entry… New WIP… This is the beggining.
    I jumped in the van. With my hands trembling, I struggled to get the keys inside the ignition.
    “Work you stupid van, work!” I yelled with tears in my eyes. I looked behind me for the ninth time. The man was getting closer.
    The man was wearing a dark jacket and was holding a knife. He was covered in blood and dirt. The van suddenly roared to life. I stepped on the gas pedal and flew down the street. I looked in the rearview mirror and saw he was running after me. Not just a jog, but he was going as fast as the van!
    Suddenly, the steering wheel locked. Before I knew it I was upside down. I screamed harder than you would believe possible. The man got closer and closer. I passed out.

    Constructive feedback would be nice.

  3. Sierra permalink
    February 21, 2010 11:11 am

    I’m back! Yay!!! Sorry I havent been on in a while… I’m going to pick up where i left off… I think…

    For those who are a little confused- I posted on December 10, 2oo9 and December 17, 2009 if you want to go catch up.

    Then in the corner of my dream eyes I saw my baby self under the lamplight, naked and bare, crying against the cold. I had my forest green eyes closed and my black hair was covering my head. My skin was pink and bloodied.
    It seemed so realistic until I woke up. I rung my fingers through my hair and yanked my fingers through the knots of sweat and tears. I ripped at my hair and finally after getting it back to its short and straight hairstyle. I straightened my legs and turned to the opposite side of my bed. I stretched and got off my bed. I pressed my feet to the ground and got to my feet. Then I crumpled a groan as I hit the ground, face first. Oww what was that, I thought. I pulled my foot to my view and looked at it. I groaned and pulled the tack out of my foot with a groan. I really need to make sure I pick up all of them when I drop them.
    “My paw is injured,” I murmured and chuckled silently as I walked over to my medicine cabinet and pulled out a Band-Aid. I stripped it clean and laid it over my small puncture wound. I groaned and took my nightgown off and changed into a skull and bones tee and some checkered shorts. There was a chain that hung from the top to mid thigh, and I attach my keys to that. I sighed as I hit the off button of my alarm clock. That stupid dream got me up early . . . again. I went into my bathroom and pulled on some boots. Then I went up to my sink and brushed my teeth and hair. I found my two favorite strands of hair and hung them in my face.

    Hope you like it!

    • Sierra permalink
      February 21, 2010 11:19 am

      Constructive feedback welcome from all

    • Ayla permalink
      February 21, 2010 11:42 am

      Sierra, Sierra, Sierra. Sneaking on my computer in the middle of the night… That’s ok though. I know your computer has been broken 😀

      I loved it! As always!

  4. Shannon Hamling permalink
    February 20, 2010 10:12 pm

    This is not from my WIP but I felt i needed to write this. =] it doesn’t take much guessing why!! =]

    I almost loved Haven. He was perfect from his eyes to the way he tickled me just to see me smile. Yet the cherry to this ice cream sundae was still in his jar. I told him I liked him and he was still deciding if he wanted to make us more than just friends. Needless to say, I really wanted that pesky cherry.
    “Leah you wanna go bowling?” he asked. I shrugged. He tickled my knee until I laughed uncontrollably.
    “Okay. Okay. Let’s go.” I said between waves of laughter. We got in my car and drove from my house to the bowling alley. He was like a pro bowler and had all his equipment. I on the other hand had to get shoes and pick out a ball.
    “You’re first.” he said. I threw the ball and guttered it. “What was that Leah?” I shrugged. My second ball I knocked down four pins. He looked at me sternly. “I know you can do better than that.” He went up and threw a strike. Frames later and he was trying not to be frustrated with me.
    “I can’t get that split.” I sighed.
    “Would you stop that. Stop doing that to yourself.” He said grabbing my hands.
    “Right.” I nodded.
    “Now go bowl your tenth frame.” he smiled. I got three strikes in a row. “Why couldn’t you do that before?”
    “I have a new sense of clarity.” I smiled. He raised his eyebrow in confusion. I just shook my head. As he went up to roll his tenth frame I held my hand as close to my heart without looking like a weirdo.
    “How pathetic?” I thought to myself. We packed up after he expectantly kicked my butt in bowling and I drove him home. When I dropped him off I was sad and missed him before he even got out of the car.
    “You know the drive here is already too short.” I sighed. Haven smiled widely and gave me a hug.
    “I’ll see you later.” He went into his house and I drove away. This always felt like the end even though I knew I’d see him again, being apart felt unnatural.

    • February 21, 2010 12:01 pm

      I loved the name Haven.

      Like: “Being apart felt unnatural.”

      Hope Haven tells her what she wants to hear. 😉

  5. Moni-ka permalink
    February 20, 2010 3:08 pm

    This is just a poem I wrote, hope you like it!
    Sometimes I wonder what it would be like
    to be normal.
    But thats impossible.
    Me, a peacekeeper in a group of friends
    who “fight for fun.”
    Nobody is “normal.”
    But there are ones who are too weird.
    So if you want
    a dose of insanity,
    please come and help me.

    • Caroline permalink
      February 21, 2010 8:00 pm

      Wow I liked that too. I like how you say it impossible to be normal because it’s true. Keep Writing

    • michellezinkbooks permalink*
      February 23, 2010 5:08 pm

      Aw, I liked this! I feel some sadness in it, but at the same time, it was witty. I wanted to chuckle at the end!

      Great job, you!


  6. Caroline permalink
    February 19, 2010 6:57 pm

    “Oh lord” cried the maid in horror
    Heracles had strangled two venomous serpents and was crying baby laughs. The maid ran out of the run by instinct to run. What was she to do? Was she to run and tell another maid or go get Zeus? As she ran to go get Zeus, one of the Greek gods. Hera, Heracles’ stepmother came into the room. “You little brat! Why won’t you just die already” Hera yelled in anger. Hera was jealous of Zeus’ other children because they weren’t hers. Zeus burst into the room. His armor shining in the sunlight from stain glass window. Hera ran to Zeus’ side as if she was horrified by the sight she saw. Which she was. She had thought that Heracles would be dead by now!

    “Heracles you can always win a bow and arrow contest” said Maximum. “Thank You Max. If you weren’t there I would not have won” Heracles claimed. “You are the best fighter in all of Greece.”Max yelled. Heracles had already proven that to all of Greece.

    • michellezinkbooks permalink*
      February 20, 2010 2:18 am

      Hello, my sweet! I should tell everyone else here that you are only ten-years-old. I’m very happy that you’re so interested in Greek myths AND storytelling. You’re already a marvelous writer.

      I really like how you used that first paragraph as a kind of Prologue and then cut away to a time when Heracles is much older. It’s a smart and interesting way to set the tone for your story.

      Can’t wait to see more!


      • mak...XD permalink
        February 20, 2010 4:11 pm

        awwww that’s your daughter…? she’s a great writer also. i love Greek mythology also. and this particular part was just amazing. WRITE ON HUN!!!!

    • Moni-ka permalink
      February 20, 2010 3:03 pm

      Oh wow! You’re ten? This is great work! =D Just shows that young people like us can really produce stuff that is awesome!

      • February 22, 2010 6:07 pm

        Oh, woah, ten? awesome!! You write so vividly, such great detail! (I’m starting to get into greek mythology too 😉

  7. February 19, 2010 6:10 pm

    This is something i wrote either extremely early monday morning or late sunday night while i was at the hospitle. My aunt had already coded once, and i kept praying, but i felt dispare, and this just kinda flowed out….

    Alas, The Truth Is Told.

    I know the truths of life.
    For a good life I must strive.
    Santa isn’t real.
    The toothfairy is a man – and cheap.
    You DON’T have my nose.
    Often I will wish not to feel.

    I know the truths of life.
    Men do cry.
    Mom and dad can’t do everything.
    Music is an escape.
    The trees really do sing.

    I know the truths of life.
    A main one is that everyone dies.
    And it will be times like this
    That I won’t want to move on,
    But I know I must, for everyone elses sake.

    • Ayla permalink
      February 19, 2010 6:44 pm

      I LOVE THIS!!!

    • Caroline permalink
      February 20, 2010 12:48 am

      I love this poem. It’s awesome. Nice work!

    • michellezinkbooks permalink*
      February 20, 2010 2:22 am

      Oh, Meagan… this is just BEAUTIFUL. Incredible. I’m so moved…

      Especially love the repeat on “I know the truths of life”. I think my favorite stanza is;

      I know the truths of life.
      Men do cry.
      Mom and dad can’t do everything.
      Music is an escape.
      The trees really do sing.

      I feel your sadness in this but also a deep, underlying peace. VERY, very well done.

      On another note, I’m sorry to hear that your aunt has been ill, hon. I’m happy that you have your writing in a time like this, because it’s a wonderful way to work through your feelings. Sometimes just NAMING them makes them less scary, yes?

      Sending you good thoughts and lots of hugs.


      • February 22, 2010 12:48 am

        Thanks everyone. And yeah, being able to i guess, put ti into words does help to get through it. Thank you 🙂

  8. February 19, 2010 6:02 pm

    That is good, and the ending sentence leaves me wanting to know more:)

  9. February 19, 2010 4:47 am

    Hey guys! Here’s a scene from my WIP called Devour, a modern day retelling of Hansel and Gretel. Enjoy! 🙂

    “So,” I say, choosing my words carefully as I plop onto the couch after having just changed out of my waitress uniform and into a pair of warm, pink fleece pajama bottoms and a matching top and prop my aching feet up on to a footstool, “that was a pretty close call today, huh?”
    “Yep, pretty close…” Abel says absentmindedly from over at the breakfast bar where he’s sitting on a stool twisting the cap of a soda bottle on and off continuously.
    “So close that it makes you want to leave?”
    Abel’s head snaps up in alarm at this statement, momentarily forgetting about his mindless soda cap twisting. “What are you saying?” he asks the question sharply, as if he’s just eaten something bitter.
    “I’m saying that I don’t…I don’t want to leave.” I say the last words barley above a whisper, my throat tightening with a sudden swell of unexpected emotion, making it difficult to speak, but I ignore it and continue. “All these years, ever since we were little, all we’ve been doing is running. We ran from our stepmom, we ran from the witch, we’ve even run from ourselves. Well I don’t-I don’t want to run anymore, I’m done. I’m done with running and I’m done with being scared of my own shadow. For years I’ve felt like I’ve never truly belonged anywhere. We’ve been so busy running scared that I’ve never felt like I-like we-could have a life of our own. We know we didn’t kill the witch and that’s all that matters. Now all we have to do is prove it. I don’t know about you Abel, but I’m done running, I’m ready to fight.” I take a deep, shaky breath and become silent, watching Abel closely for his reaction, my heart pounding in my chest in a combination of exhilaration for finally voicing my true feelings and fear for what Abel will say.
    The silence seems to stretch on forever while I wait for Abel to speak, then, just when I think I can stand the silence no longer, he asks calmly, “so, what did you have in mind?”

    • michellezinkbooks permalink*
      February 23, 2010 5:07 pm

      Nice! I love the idea of a modern day retelling of Hansel & Gretel! And the setting and dialog felt very authentic to me, which is SO important in YA. I hate it when teenagers don’t sound like teenagers!

      Nicely done, Sweets!


  10. February 19, 2010 12:53 am

    I’m made of epic fail for not posting last week. And I was so excited to do a writing prompt too! But last week was when I started my full-time temp job, so I was still trying to figure out how to balance working with writing (still trying to figure that out, in fact). Anyway, I wanted to take a break this time from the novel I’ve been sharing forever. Instead, I’m going to share the beginning of my current WIP, which is me trying my hand at writing fantasy. And since I’m sharing the beginning…I’m not saying anymore right now (except that I have 5 protagonists, but…that doesn’t really matter right now). This is just the opening paragraphs of the story.

    Please also note that this is in rough, first draft form and I really haven’t done ANY editing at all yet, because I’m not done. Anyway, all feedback is welcome! 🙂


    THE BOXES OF PANDORA (working title)

    If you’re looking for a comedy, a romance, something to make the world seem a little brighter…you’ve picked up the wrong story. If you’re looking for something a little darker, a little more unsure, where problems and choices arise that could mean the difference between happiness and despair, even life and death…welcome. For this is the story of a group of friends—my group of friends, to be exact—and what happened when we got into something bigger than any of us. This is the story of how we found ourselves in a land of dreams and decisions, of how we had to take sides in a battle so timeless no one remembers why it began. This is how we learned the painful truths about ourselves and each other. This is how we wished desperately to just go back, rewind, undo the damage done. But that’s the first and biggest painful truth—there is no going back. The only way back is forward and many things can change along the way. This is the story of how we got in over our heads and our friendship was tested. This is, simply put, our story.

    Do I have your attention?

    Here’s your first decision…do you wish to read on? Or do you wish to go back?

    Remember what I said: the only way back is forward…

    • February 19, 2010 4:55 am

      Wow, Erin! What a fantastic beginning! It pulled me in after the first two sentences, I’m very intrigued and I definitly don’t want to “go back” on this one, I want to know what happens next really bad! Great job! 😀

      • February 19, 2010 6:00 pm

        Oh, WOW! That is an awesome begining!! Keep it up 🙂

    • February 19, 2010 6:20 pm

      LOVE this! I think addressing the readers in fiction is so awesome. I could never do it, but this was so creepily amazing. Awesome job!

    • February 20, 2010 7:32 pm

      loooooove this!
      drew me in the first sentence, i hope to see more of this WIP from youu in the future! :]

    • February 21, 2010 11:56 am

      I like this. Intriguing, makes the reader want to know more and of course, read on!

    • michellezinkbooks permalink*
      February 23, 2010 4:58 pm

      Love it, Erin! It has a Series of Unfortunate Events feel, the way you speak directly to the reader. But I also like that some of it feels serious. It makes me want to know more, especially pieces like this;

      This is how we wished desperately to just go back, rewind, undo the damage done. But that’s the first and biggest painful truth—there is no going back.

      Awesome! And don’t worry about the job/writing. It might take a few weeks to get yourself settled, but it’s obvious that you love writing too much to let work stop you. I know you’ll get it figured out eventually, hon!


  11. February 19, 2010 12:28 am

    This is an excerpt from a short story I wrote when I was 13. It’s about the daughter of a Nazi concentration camp worker who feels deep compassion for the suffering she sees.

    The next few years just got harder and harder. Julia continued her job, warned newcomers, and cried a lot. One night, in 1941 (Julia was 16), she snuck some leftovers to each cabin and told them stories that took them away from their harsh reality. Often the Komabrant came, and Julia was pleased to see them following her tips. Although she thought that he knew they were in the midden pile, he did nothing, so Julia didn’t worry. Daily she saw the prisoners being tortured and over-worked. Sometimes the Jews were subjects in twisted science experiments, like seeing how long a person could breathe under water before he/she drowned. The stench of death was so odious that it could be detected five miles away from the camp. Although she was not a prisoner, Julia’s soul was tortured witnessing all this.
    One day, Julia was about to do laundry, but when she opened the door, she came across a Nazi cornering a girl who was at least three years younger than Julia. “Fine!” he shouted in a voice seething in anger, “If you will not lie down, then you will die!” He began choking her so hard Julia could hear bones cracking!
    Julia stepped and, as casually as she could, said to him, “Come on, give her one more chance.”
    The Nazi considered this. “Okay, I’ll give her one more chance.” Though his back was to her, Julia could see him unzip his pants. The girl looked helplessly at Julia as if she was saying, “Do I have to?” Julia nodded and shut the door. Covering her mouth so no one could hear her, Julia leaned against the wall and cried.
    Later that night, after Julia had finished telling a story, a small child told her, “Are you the Messaiah?” The adults chuckled.
    Julia’s eyes widened slightly. “What do you mean?”
    An old woman replied for him, “Messiah, the one who will save us.”
    Julia responded with dismay, “Don’t call me that; I can’t help you.”
    A man said, “But you already have. I know the whole camp went from ten cabins to only one, but it’s because of you that the few of us are still here. You give us hope, and that helps us survive.” Julia said nothing because she did not have the heart to tell them that she felt they were doomed.
    One day, the Komabrant came like usual. He went by the midden pile with a very wicked look on his face. Julia watched suspiciously as he lit a match. Unexpectedly, he threw the match onto the midden pile! It caught on fire quickly, and the children tried to climb out but it was too late. Julia watched with horror as they were all burned alive! She couldn’t stand to see the amused look on his face.
    She ran inside her house and slammed her bedroom door. For a while, all she did was quickly pace around her room. She looked out of her window and saw some Jews chopping down wood. With fury, Julia cried, “How can they do this? How can my own father, my own father, participate in this evil? He doesn’t care; HE DOESN’T CARE!!!!” She violently swept all of the things off her desk, tossed it to the floor, and began kicking it. Her shoe got caught in it, and she fell to the floor. Once again, she began crying. She weakly helped herself up and looked out her window again. She sobbed, “They don’t even realize that the wood they’re cutting is for the fire that will burn their own bodies.”
    During dinner, Julia sadly moved her fork through her food but ate nothing. Martha commented, “Sweetheart, what’s wrong? You seem upset.”
    “Upset?” Julia said hollowly, “I feel nothing. I don’t care about myself or anyone else. Why bother? What good can I do?”
    Benjamin stated, “You’ve been doing so much good; you’ve been helping us get rid of the Jews.”
    Julia stared at her father with disbelief. “Hmm, I thought I had no soul, but it’s you!”
    Confused he replied, “What are you talking about?”
    Julia didn’t look at him but stared at her food thinking. She had so much hatred for her dad right then that she couldn’t put it into words. Suddenly, she threw her plate against the wall and stormed into her room.

    • Anonymous permalink
      February 19, 2010 4:37 pm

      you did not write this when you were thirteen!!! i’m thirteen and i don’t write half as good…this is amasing…will you post more? are you planning on continuing your work?

      • February 19, 2010 5:58 pm

        Oh my gosh, that is just… absolutely amazing. You wrote that when you were 13?? Wow. it almost made me cry, its full of such great emotion and detail, i could just picture EVERYTHING. Truley AMAZING

    • michellezinkbooks permalink*
      February 23, 2010 4:52 pm

      This is a housebreakingly sad story. I commend you for writing about such a tough topic at so young an age.

      Come back and show us more of your work, okay?


  12. February 18, 2010 11:22 pm

    [written in september, found on my deviantart account the other day. true story, any comments?]



    we were friends from the start, from playground races and yugioh battles to the awkward hand holding that came later. we were as tight as could be, as was possible for kids our age; and as far as we were concerned, our friendship would last forever.

    but sadly, not all fairytales have happy endings and not all friendships last, as was proven that bleary day when you announced that you were moving to the city; bright lights and bar fights every other night, you had grown up too fast for me and you seemed to like being independant.

    for three years my hands could never find their match, the one other pair of hands in the world that felt good in mine; the awkwardness had subsided and left me craving for you.

    it all changed one day.

    i played sports for once and when i played a series of games at your school we met again. we had shed our childlike innocence and knew how harsh the world actually was, but we were happy. i had found you and you had found me.

    hookups were more your style, as you proved to me countless times, sneaking off the beaten path for another kiss, another chance for my body to touch yours.

    and yet, somehow, i didn’t feel happy.
    i didn’t feel full; i was missing something.

    and that was the day that she walked into your life, not caring what we had and breaking our plans like that.

    i will never forgive her, but i can forgive you. except that comes at a cost.

    i want all those stolen kisses back, that walk in the woods can erase itself from my memory. all of those days spent with you fade away, smiles vanishing, tears dry up. all the money spent on me is repaid, that green-eyed monster sits on your doorstep now, and i want you to pretend like nothing ever happened between us.

    because it didn’t.

    and i will go back to being your best friends, someone who listens to your girl problems, consoles you and brings you back to life after a breakup.

    because if i wasn’t there, then who would be at your side?

    no one.

    • February 18, 2010 11:27 pm

      Amazing story!!! I especially like the fourth last paragraph there is so much emotion in that one paragraph!!! I also loved how you managed to tell an entire history of two characters in one short story great job!!!

      • February 18, 2010 11:49 pm

        thank you!
        it was hard writing about personal experience, and i remember it took me a week or two to be able to complete this. i didn’t want to relive some of these memories, but i found it easier to cope with him not being a big part of my life anymore.

    • Anonymous permalink
      February 19, 2010 3:55 pm

      wow….i can’t imagine how hard it must be for you to write on an experience such as this……would you ever show him…? tell him how you feel? did you ever…?
      it was amasing….

      • February 19, 2010 5:51 pm

        Wow, that was excellent. It was stocked full emotion in such a small piece that stands for so much!

      • February 19, 2010 6:07 pm

        Thank you so much for the feedback. It was hard writing this, and it took this long to post it on here. I don’t know if I would ever show him this, but if I did it would be a modded version of this. I’d have to make it just right. And he knew how I felt, I miss being beside him everyday, and I rarely see him now. I just wish things could be what they used to be, but maybe someday they will. Maybe, just maybe…

    • mak...XD permalink
      February 20, 2010 2:56 pm

      remember, there’s a reason for everything….maybe it wasn’t meant to be…even though you want it to. and i hate to break it to you, but there’s ALWAYS someone better out there who deserves you more than others. just keep looking. never give up. and make sure that you’re happy………..<3

      • February 20, 2010 7:28 pm

        thanks, and yeah, i’ve found someone better.
        i’ve known this amazing guy for a few years now, he dated one of my friends last year. i never thought that i could like him that way but now we’re dating and i’ve fallen head over heels for him. i’m haaaaaaappy, and he’s nicer then anyone else i’ve ever dated.

    • michellezinkbooks permalink*
      February 23, 2010 4:49 pm

      Oh, man… this is GOOD, Alix! I can tell it’s true. It feels so real and raw. I can feel all the pain and sadness in it, but also a fierce kind of courage and strength.

      LOVE this;

      “hookups were more your style, as you proved to me countless times, sneaking off the beaten path for another kiss, another chance for my body to touch yours.”

      Gorgeous! Can’t wait to see more of your work, Sweets!


      • February 23, 2010 10:54 pm

        thank you michelle!
        you don’t know how awesome it is to post on here every week and get such positive feedback on my work from youu. :]
        and i feel like i’m going on a letter streak ; this is another mattress letter that won’t ever be published, i think.

      • michellezinkbooks permalink*
        February 24, 2010 5:18 pm

        Believe me, Alix, it’s just as awesome for me to have such great communication to my readers and to get a glimpse into the amazing talent exhibited in the group. I feel like I’m getting to see the NEXT generation of writers. It’s truly wonderful!


  13. February 18, 2010 10:43 pm

    I’ve wanted to write on here for so long but have never had any ideas!!! Okay, here it goes first time for Thursday Night Write!!! It’s not very good I just literally wrote it lolz Enjoy!!!

    The autumn wind blew through the moor causing the red and yellow leaves to dance through the air. The young woman laughed in ecstasy as she looked at the world around her.

    The moon shone brightly turning her skin a ghostly but beautiful shade of white, she began to run and dance around the moor as the wind whistled around her lifting her hair into the midnight sky, her skirts fluttering in the breeze.

    She paused and looked at the scene around her, a scene you could only view at night. The full ivory moon shiny in an ebony sky surrounded with tiny blinking companions.

    The woman wished he would understand, her love. Many times her love thought her to be crazy, a young woman frolicking in the middle of the night? Surely they’d think she was mad? But the woman didn’t care. Night was an old, personal friend who was always waiting for her return.

    She sighed a heavy sigh hoping that one day he would understand the joy, the happiness she experienced when she was under the night sky.

    She ran and danced some more finally collapsing on the soft green grass, the wind still fluttering her skirt. She looked up at the moon and smiled, closing her eyes and laying under the night sky, her friend always there, always protecting her.

    • February 18, 2010 11:36 pm

      This is good. It has a nice poetic flow, very visual and engaging.
      Love this line: Night was an old, personal friend who was always waiting for her return.

      Love the username by the way. 😉

      • February 18, 2010 11:52 pm

        Thanks so much Danielle!!! OMG do you know of CATS the musical!!! I’m a tinsy bit obsessed *translation, hugely. Yes I am a nerd:):):)* Thanks again I’m glad you liked it I’ve never written on Thursday Night Writes but I’m definatly going to more often!!!:):):)

      • February 19, 2010 12:14 am

        Yep, know AND love the musical. I’ve not had an opportunity to see it performed live, but do have the CATS DVD that I’ve watched over and over again!

        Love Mungojerrie and Rumpleteazer’s song and dance in the show!

        I’m addicted to Thursday Night Write. I like sharing writing and reading what other people are working on. There’s a lot of talent here!

        Welcome aboard!

      • February 20, 2010 4:25 pm

        I highly recommend you see it live someday it absolutely amazing live on stage!!!

        I love writing, I’ll make it a goal to think of a new idea for every Thursday Night Write!!!

        Thanks again for commenting Danielle!!! I really like your story too, espeically the lines “Alice still laughed until she cried. She still joked and made happy memories but somewhere inside her there was a twinge of guilt. She shouldn’t be happy. She shouldn’t be laughing so hard that her stomach muscles hurt days after. She shouldn’t make new memories.” There are so much emotions in that line and you can feel the guilt that Alice feels for being able to laugh, for being able to be happy. Your an amazing author!!! Keep writing!!!

    • michellezinkbooks permalink*
      February 23, 2010 4:46 pm

      This is really beautiful. I love the imagery you’ve conjured. There are some amazingly vivid lines. My favorites are;

      The autumn wind blew through the moor causing the red and yellow leaves to dance through the air.


      Night was an old, personal friend who was always waiting for her return.

      Nice job, hon! Hope to see more from you!


      • February 23, 2010 10:26 pm

        Thank you so much Ms. Zink!!! I’m glad you liked it, I just wrote it on the spot lolz I really wanted to write something on here since I never have before thanks so much!!!:):):)

      • michellezinkbooks permalink*
        February 23, 2010 10:43 pm

        My pleasure, hon!

        And I have a surprise for you!

        *whispers* There's going to be a very special surprise for you guys in the Prophecy community sometime tomorrow. No one else gets to see it until next week, but you get a sneak peek…

  14. February 18, 2010 9:58 pm

    Hello! I’ve had a slow and confusing week of writing. I’m kind of stuck and in limbo as to where Grim is heading. I wasn’t going to post anything this week because of that, but I’m addicted to Thursday Nights Write (love that, Michelle) so here I am. As always, thanks for this, Michelle and thanks to everyone who reads and comments!

    This is not from my WIP, Grim. My apologies because it is 20 words too long.

    Alice stared at her reflection in the bathroom mirror. She certainly looked older. She looked tired and empty, sad and worn down. She was tired of being tired. And tired of being what she thought she was supposed to be. Tired of it all. It had been too long. She thought it should be over. She figured by now that the hollow empty pit deep down inside her soul would have disappeared or at least filled up with something. Maybe that’s why she overate?

    Alice wanted it to be over. She wanted to sleep and wake up to find that everything was better, that she was better. But what did that mean? Did she know anymore? Would she recognize it? Alice still laughed until she cried. She still joked and made happy memories but somewhere inside her there was a twinge of guilt. She shouldn’t be happy. She shouldn’t be laughing so hard that her stomach muscles hurt days after. She shouldn’t make new memories.

    No. Alice stopped living. Yes, she was breathing. Yes, she was alive. But she wasn’t living. She walked around in a fog. She did what was expected of her. She smiled and behaved. But she was empty. Hollow. Nothing. Like an abyss had swallowed her soul.

    But today she braved the mirror, determined to stand up to the demons that haunted her. No longer afraid but scared of moving through this pain. She had to do this for herself. She needed to let go of the pain she held onto so tightly that she felt naked without it. Alice needed to let go of the tears she stopped crying because they made her feel weak. She needed to let go of the darkness that made her feel safe. In the darkness she could be a little bit crazy. In the darkness she could keep the world at arms’ length.

    Alice needed to let her go.

    • Ashley permalink
      February 18, 2010 10:12 pm

      So awsome! Lol. I love this story mann!

      Um, how do you know if it’s 20 words to long? I’ve been trying to do that, but I can’t sit there and count em! Haha.
      Is it like a website or something? Let me know please.

      • February 18, 2010 10:17 pm

        Thanks, Ashley.

        I use Word and there’s a tool called Word Count plus at the bottom of my page it tells me how many words I have. I cut the story and paste it on here.

        Do you type it up on here?

      • Ashley permalink
        February 18, 2010 10:37 pm

        No, I do it on a little notepad but that’s just roughing it out, so I can re-write it on here.
        I’ma try that. It’s because my computer is strange, and I can’t do anything. Lol.

    • michellezinkbooks permalink*
      February 18, 2010 10:19 pm

      First of all, I’m glad you posted, Danielle. We all have slow, confusing writing weeks, and it’s easy to feel like you’re all alone. But you’re not. We’re out here and I am rooting for you. Just remind yourself that even if you don’t like every bit of where Grim ends up, you can always edit it later. One of my favorite writing sayings is, “You can edit anything but the blank page.” And it’s so true (trust me, I’ve made every kind of revision you can imagine). The important thing is to keep writing. Keep moving forward. Take a little break if you need to, but get back to it before too long. Eventually, it’ll all come together. Just keep putting on writing foot in front of the other.

      Now for your piece! I enjoyed reading it in part because it’s a bit of a departure for you. This felt… personal. Not that it’s literally about you, just that it seems to come from a very real place.

      I especially liked this;

      She needed to let go of the pain she held onto so tightly that she felt naked without it.

      Pain as clothing. Armor. A barrier between us and everyone else. Like that very much, Danielle.

      And that last line DEFINITELY make me want to know more.

      Chin up, Sweets! You’re doing just FINE!


      • February 18, 2010 11:09 pm

        Michelle, the story is short at 541 words total. If you’d like, I can post the rest of the story now.

    • February 19, 2010 1:04 am

      Ooooooh, Danielle! I like this a lot! Your descriptions are amazing and I love the way you get into Alice’s head. I don’t have the slightest idea as to what’s going on, but I’m already loving Alice’s emotional journey. I love getting to see what characters think when they’re putting up their respective defenses, and I think you did a great job of showing what your character is thinking…but in a really poetic way that was absolutely gorgeous prose! I want to read more!

      And, PS…writing limbo is the worst. I know it well, so you’re not alone in that one. I hope you get out of your limbo soon! ❤

    • Shannon Hamling permalink
      February 20, 2010 8:59 pm

      I loved this! It captured a sense of true desperation, emptiness, and that time when you know that you have to doo something but it’s just too hard to do. Love to see more!!

    • February 21, 2010 11:52 am

      Thanks everyone for your comments!
      Next week, if it’s Open Mic again, I’ll post the rest of the story. It’s a flash fiction piece I wrote.

  15. Ashley permalink
    February 18, 2010 8:52 pm

    Ok Megan. Heres the first part for ya! Hope you like it! If Its over 300 words, I’ll just post the next, next week, if ya like. I’ll let you know if it’s way over 300 words.


    *Today was a Fary Tale*
    Who ever loved that loved not at first sight? – Christopher Marlowe

    It’s time for Valentine’s day. The one time of the year that reminds you if you don’t have someone special to share it with, your alone. Maybe so alone you’ll be stuck inside the house watching re-runs of “That 70’s Show” all day while munching down on Hot Cheetos, coated with Nacho Cheese. Like me! Today, my mission is to shop for my valentine’s day dinner. Valentine’s day pointless anyway. It’s for love/lust freaks, who are just in an illusion. Hah!
    I scanned my list for something I must have forgeten, but there was something. In the corner of my mind, Mint Chocolate Chip Ice Cream. Yum! I roamed the asal in the Frozen goods section for my ice cream, I spotted it. As I opened the glass door and pulled it out, it slipped from my fingers and landed on the floor.

    “Shoot!” I muttered, leaning down to pick it up. Than something knocked me in the head, leaving a loud ring and a thumping pain. OUCH!! “OWW!” I yelled as I stood up right and kicked the glass door shut. The man looked at me. “Excuse you!”

    “Woo, is someone a little pissy today.” He laughed. The look of interest, he showed to me, made me feel un comfortable. I covered the front of my body with my oversized zip up hoodie. “Mm, Do you belive in love at first sight, or should I walk by again?” I barked out an un-amused laugh as I picked up my ice cream and tossed.

    “Pu-Lease! I’ve heard better pick up lines from homeless men!”

    “Spasing on the homless now?”

    “Who are you to question me?”

    “Aidan. Aidan JayDel.”

    “Well Aidan! I belive you owe me an apology!”

    “I belive I do. I’m sorry Miss…?”


    “Melody. Mm, string me a tune!”

    “Ha! Nice one. Keep it coming, I aint got all day.”

    “Baby, where have you been all my life?” I shook my head. “Damn, don’t your legs hurt?”

    “No, and no I havn’t been runnin through ya mind, I’ve been running through ya brother’s house looking for ma panties.” I winked at him as I begin to walk away.

    “You got me there.”

    “Never wanted you.”

    “Baby, you had me at hello!”

    “Havn’t you heard of don’t talk to strangers?” Ugh!

    “I belive I have, but that implied to me when I was 6!”

    “Ugh, your like a lost puppy.”

    “I am a lost puppy. Take me home.”

    “Dude Aidan, you are so lame!” A huge man said behind is. Aidan stopped and turned around. Good, he’s gone! I used that time to get to the line and check my stuff out. As I bagged it I heard:

    “You ditched me!” I rolled my eyes at him.

    “What do you want?”

    “Ya know, I can be a nice guy.” He says, ignoring my question.

    “From what I’ve seen, you can be an annoying one also!”

    “Give me a chance!”

    “I don’t just give those out.”

    “Than donate one.” I sighed.

    “Stop please, this is useless!

    “How so?” He raised one of his thick brows. I tried to glare but my lame excuse for one was crumbled when I looked into those deep carmel eyes. His hair was black and short, but somehow touseled. He was light skinned and his lips were full and juicy. So soft, so cute! He was broad, and somewhat muscular. Handsome. He wore dark blue jeans, and a Navy blue oversized hoodie with white Nikes to match. He was casual. Just my type. “Are you gonna stare at me or tell me how useless this is?”

    “Um…Yeah, see ya!” I turned to walk away with my bags.

    “You never know, I can be your Fary tale!” I laughed.

    “Save it for the childrens books.”

    “But- Heyy! Where ae you going?”

    “To the bus.”

    “You don’t have a car? I can take you, ya know?”

    “No thanks. I don’t talk to strangers.”

    “I’m not strange?”

    “Really?” I said, with heavy sarcasm.

    “Well look, at least let me wait with you!” I shrugged.

    “Do what you will with your time.”

    “I will, and that is to spend it with you.”

    “Whatevaa! but unfortounatly for you, this chicas flyin’ soloo for the next couple of years.”

    “That sounds pathetic.” I shrugged. “Come on girl, let me be your super hero.” Ok, now this was getting rediculous!

    “What if I don’t want to waste my time on you?”

    “I won’t give up.”

    “Than you’ll seem pathetic!”

    “As long as pathetic guys were your type.” And they were.

    “Your lame, than.” Lame guys were so weak!

    “I can be anything ya want, girl.”

    “Be gone.”

    “Not that.”


    “I make the rules.” I sighed in resignation.

    “Fine, fine! You win. But can I make one?”

    “Depends…dose it involve me leaving or being harmed in any physical way?”


    “Than go on…”

    “Stop with those lame pick up lines. So 1990s!”

    “Your wish, my comand.”

    “Let me guess…Fary Tale?”

    “You guessed right.” He smiled and handed my bags to me. “So, can I get your number?” What could it hurt, just to go on one little date. Havn’t been on one in quite awhile. I gave him my number and he programed it. “I’ll call you…”

    “No dout about that…” I smiled.

    “Aidan! Bro!” The same big guy said, getting out of his car. “Ya ready or what?”

    “Yeah…” He didn’t take his eyes off of me than when he did he turned. “Hey, Ian, You like apple’s man?’


    “I got her number, how you like them apples!” I chuckled as I filed onto the bus.


    Tune into the Flash fiction game the other day for the second part to this! Tell me what ya think!

    • Ashley permalink
      February 18, 2010 8:53 pm

      It’s the whole first part. 🙂

    • michellezinkbooks permalink*
      February 18, 2010 10:13 pm

      This made me laugh! Some nice, witty repartee in this one…


      • February 19, 2010 5:42 pm

        AH!! That is absolutely amazing! The characters are really great! So witty 🙂 i love it, lol

  16. February 18, 2010 7:22 pm

    Wow, major WordPress fail. I’ve been trying to get on here for about an hour and a half now. But anyway, more from my WIP, which is ONE chapter away from being done! *squeal*

    “PJ? Are you okay? I heard screaming-”

    He didn’t get too far through the doorway before his foot slipped in the same puddle and he went flying. I tried to roll over to give him room to break his fall, but I was too late. He had already landed. Right on top of me.

    My breathing hitched as he quickly pushed himself up on his palms to hover over me. We were so close. My skin flushed as I took in the way that our bodies were pressed so closely together and how our ragged, labored breaths were mixing with each desirable pant. I watched his adam’s apple dip as I met his eyes. They were full of so much green, so much passion.

    And then, before I could even comprehend what was going on, his lips were on mine.

    He was kissing me. He was really kissing me. And forgetting the fact that my breath probably tasted like dead skunk, I was kissing him back.

    My body ignited into flames of sparking tingles that engulfed everything inside of my head except for him. In any normal circumstance, I would’ve been questioning how to kiss him back without coming off as inexperienced, but I didn’t have to worry about that. It felt natural. It felt amazing. I was just as vigorous and hungry as he was.

    Lips to lips, tongue to tongue. I was on fire.

    We had a mini make-out session, right there on the disgusting bathroom floor, for what felt like hours. In reality, it was only about thirty seconds before we both ran out of breath and had to pull away. But when he stared back at me with those smoldering green eyes, I mentally willed my lungs and esophagus to heal quicker so I could kiss him again. And again.

    • michellezinkbooks permalink*
      February 18, 2010 8:29 pm

      Gah! So sorry about the WordPress fail, Katie. Not sure what was up with that, but thanks for being persistent!

      This feels so true to the feeling young people have int his situation. I like that it’s not overly stylized or dressed up. It’s concise without leaving anything out. It gives you everything you need without overdoing it.

      And there are some great little gems in here! My favorites are;

      He was kissing me. He was really kissing me. And forgetting the fact that my breath probably tasted like dead skunk, I was kissing him back.


      I was just as vigorous and hungry as he was. (so vivid!)

      Nicely done, hon! I’m SUPER excited for you that you’re almost done. Just finishing a novel is a MASSIVE accomplishment, and when you go back to edit and revise, you’ll be shocked how much you learn in the process.

      Can’t wait to hear more!


    • February 18, 2010 8:54 pm

      Katie- What a great scene! I love: “He was kissing me. He was really kissing me. And forgetting the fact that my breath probably tasted like dead skunk, I was kissing him back.”

      “My body ignited into flames of sparking tingles that engulfed everything inside of my head except for him.”

      Well written and so believable. Feels like a first kiss to me!

      Congrats on being a chapter away from completing your manuscript!


    • Ashley permalink
      February 18, 2010 10:09 pm

      Oh! I know. I was like what the hell, I thought it was my internet! Haha.

      Oh god! It’s like I could feel the emotion!
      How sweet! AMAZINGGG! Can’t wait to hear more! How cute!
      Aww! Lol, I keep gushing over it, but thats only because it’s so good!


    • February 19, 2010 12:58 am

      I didn’t even think that it was WordPress. My internet fails on me almost daily (which is annoying, thank you), so I just figured that’s what was up. haha

      Katie–Great job with this! I admire anyone who can do a convincing romantic scene like this. I always find the romantic scenes to be the hardest to write, so kudos to you! I could feel the passion and the exhilaration of that first kiss with someone you like. I particularly enjoyed the “dead skunk” description…I literally laughed out loud on that one!

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