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Thursday Night Write – Open Mic

June 3, 2010

Time for another episode of Thursday Night Write, Open Mic Style!

And guess what? This is the first of three in a row, because next week we have awesome author and guest commentator, Saundra Mitchell, and I have another surprise guest the following week.

WOOT! 😀

So post your excerpt of 300 words or less for comment – it can be part of a poem, story, journal entry… anything you want! – and don’t forget to comment at least one other post.

I’m sorry I didn’t get to last week’s posts. I’ll try to do better this week! My revisions have been kicking my ass and I’ve been planning some cool stuff for you guys, too. Like Prophecy Superfan packs, which I’ll be announcing within the next couple of weeks. Because I love my Prophecy Superfans and I want to give you all a little something to say thank you. With that in mind, I will have 50(!) Superfan Prize Packs to give away to those of you who consider yourselves Prophecy Superfans – no strings attached! I can’t wait to show you guys the little goodies I’ve put together.

After that, I’ll be giving away one BIG Prophecy Prize Pack (including an iPod!), five Prophecy paperbacks, and three of Kenneth’s soundtrack’s from BEA. With the Prophecy paperback releasing July 1st and Guardian of the Gate following August 1st, we have a lot to celebrate. And I want to celebrate with YOU! So stay tuned!

Lastly, don’t forget to join Kenneth, Rebekah and I for our podcast, Burn After Listening, this Saturday night at 10pm EST. It’s always a totally unscripted wild ride! Just click on the link and you can listen right from your computer. You can also join us in the show chat room during the podcast for fun, antics, and Kenneth’s random Youtube videos.

Hope to see you there!

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107 Comments leave one →
  1. June 6, 2010 2:52 am

    This is spomething that I wrote this week so, ENJOY!!!!!
    —————————————————
    The Last of My Kind

    The sound of the monster coming near made me panic a little as I watched my mother, father, brothers, and sisters, aunts, cousins, and uncles all slaughtered before me. I looked at their fallen corpses all spread out on the leaf covered ground. It was beautiful in an odd sense the way the crisp colorful leaves seemed to cradle their bodies like a lover might do. I then glanced up and was awed by this blue ocean with a sailing brightness, a swimmer of hope making small laps before my very eyes. I stood their for a moment trying to take every detail in until remembrance pranced towards me of a shorter and much younger me looking up at this ocean before. I was staring at the sky and the swimmer was the sun. The grinding sound of the monster brought me back to earth. I looked at its blades twirling towards me like a circus act and, as I watched I went into a trance. I could now feel the monster’s grip on to my roots and chop right through me and as I fell my branches swooped up in attempt to make me fly but it only made my leaves cry for help. I looked up at the sun. In the sun I watched the starting of a revolution occurring right before I crashed and became nothing.

    • June 7, 2010 1:00 pm

      Wow.That is all i can think to say. is just WOW!! The imagery,is amazing! This story was sad and full of beauty. This was amazing!!!! 😀

  2. Caroline permalink
    June 4, 2010 5:58 pm

    Hmmm… I don’t have anything to post so here! Just some of my book. I reached Chapter 13! Also if your up set don’t read this!

    Chapter 12

    “Hey CJ! Come here” I howled so loud James came out! CJ trotted over, “What?” I pointed to the news paper. His mouth dropped, with slobber! “Look at the picture!” He shook his head fast, “I know! So just shut up!” I stood in awe as he stormed off into the house.
    Jessie chased after him, and Red ran over to me. “Hey what’s up?” She looked down and sighed. “Yeah, that would be it!” She looked at me, “I can’t pretend to love someone I don’t really love!” I looked at the ground.
    “Then tell him that, don’t tell me!” She looked at me in disgust! “I can’t!” I was totally burning with fury! “Why not? You already broke his heart!” I yelled so loud I could have exploded.
    “But I love Ace! I can’t tell him that, I can’t hurt him more.” I stared at her, and shook my head. I walked off towards the track, and lay behind the weights. I started to cry! CJ was a brother to me, and I couldn’t watch him in pain!
    Someone had walked in while I was thinking; she heard me crying and walked over. I lifted my head, “Holly!” She didn’t say anything; she lay down beside me and curled up next to me.
    “Look, whatever just happened to you, I’m sorry!” I sighed, and shook my head, “There’s nothing you can do to help!” “Come here!” She stood up and led me to a pile of leaves! “What’s this?” She sighed, “Just jump into it!” So I did I jumped in and well, I fell, THROUGH A HOLE! I stood up and jumped out, “This isn’t what I need right now!”
    I walked off, again. I needed to talk to CJ! I walked home to find CJ just lying in the middle of the house yard! “CJ! CJ! Are you okay?” I ran so fast I couldn’t believe it! I looked at him, a noticed he was looking at the clouds!
    He was looking so intensely, I thought he was dazed! “CJ? We need to talk.” He nodded! “I know your upset but, Red… doesn’t love you.” He nodded! “She loves Ace, and she wishes she did love you.” He looked at me
    “Conner?” He barked “Yeah?” I tilted my head, “Why doesn’t she?” He looked away. “I don’t know.” He nodded and stood up! He sighed and walked away. We reached the house and lay down in our dog beds. The warm comfort of my bed was heavenly!
    James came in to check on us, we were fast asleep by then though!

    • June 4, 2010 10:47 pm

      Nice story Caroline!!!:):):) I like how the story is coming along. You can really feel the frustration of the main character and love like a sibling toward her friend!!!:):):)

      The only thing I recommend is using less eclamation points because they don’t always fit with the right sentences.

      Ex: “He nodded and stood up! … The warm comfort of my bed was heavenly!”

      Instead in both those sentences periods could be used, exclamation points often are used in excitement or panic but both these sentences are serious *first sentence* and calm *second sentence*.

      But I love how your story is progressing and can’t wait for more!!! Awesome job Caroline!!!:):):)

      • Caroline permalink
        June 4, 2010 10:52 pm

        Yeah, I’m already trying to work on it! Thanks for the comment!

    • June 5, 2010 11:07 pm

      This is a really interesting story, and I enjoy it. Keep up the good work Caroline!!

  3. June 4, 2010 5:54 pm

    She didn’t believe him when he told her who he was. How could she? He looked like every other average teenager. He didn’t act any differently either. He was just him. Would it matter if she didn’t believe in those sorts of things? Maybe he was crazy? Or maybe she was for considering the possibility that he was what he said he was. Either way, this was not what she expected when she followed him to the beach.

    “Say something, please,” he said, his voice shaky and unsure.

    She tried, but found her voice was muted. What could she possibly say to him? What she wanted to do was walk—no, run away from him. Call him crazy and scream until someone found her hysterically laughing at the insanity of all this. She wasn’t in some lame movie where the weak heroine of the story finds she’s in love with some supernatural being and that makes her life that much better. This was real life. This was really happening.

    But she didn’t believe in the supernatural. Ghosts, vampires, werewolves and faeries didn’t exist in her mind. Was what he called himself even supernatural? Was it paranormal? What category would he fit in?

    That was the problem with Leigh. She liked order and charts and putting everything in its rightful place. Anything that set her world in chaos wasn’t something she’d bother with. She liked things to be set and orderly. There was nothing wrong with that. Except this—him, well he changed that. He would make her question everything she ever thought about the world. Why was he doing this? What he could possibly gain by telling her this absurd thing? And why was she wasting time wondering if it could be true? These things didn’t exist. He was just a little crazy, playing a gag on her. In a few minutes, he’d yell “Gotcha!” and they’d have good laugh.

    • June 4, 2010 6:17 pm

      Amazing story Danielle!!! I love the sense of fiction vs reality that Leigh feels, seeking for reality to keep her safe, not wanting to be troubled by fiction. You can feel the fear Leigh feels, the panic and how she hopes he is just joking. I also love the suspense and hope there’s more to this, I love it!!!:):):)

    • FlaglineGeek permalink
      June 4, 2010 6:56 pm

      I really like this. The character’s struggle with her beliefs of reality feels real. It seems how an actual person would react. (Not like a certain someone who says they aren’t scared when they find out what their supernatural crush is. . .)

    • June 4, 2010 8:19 pm

      I love this! The sense of internal conflict is great. You always do such a great job with narrating your characters’ thoughts and feelings.

    • June 6, 2010 2:45 pm

      i really love this and it definitely drew me into it, i want to read on!
      great work this week :]

    • June 8, 2010 4:12 pm

      Thanks everyone!

  4. June 4, 2010 5:03 pm

    This sounds like a break-up, kinda, but it was more of stemmed around a death, the first few lines just started forming, and it somehow turned out like this… Any comments welcome…

    5-10-10

    Remembering No Longer Hurts

    This is me forgetting.
    This is me not caring.
    This is me staring
    As you walk away
    And wanting to say,
    That I’ll be okay.

    This is me trying to remember.
    And after I do, I’ll watch the embers
    Dance around as they burn your memory
    From me, like fields of gasoline.

    This is me smiling,
    No longer crying.
    This is me not fighting the random
    Whispy reminisces of good times gone
    That come like a phantom
    From hearing that song.

    This is me never forgetting.
    This is me really not caring.
    This is me saying,
    I’ll truely be okay.

    • Caroline permalink
      June 4, 2010 6:01 pm

      You know you’re the first person I look for! Your writing is incredible! I love the confusion between the death and the break up! It makes it so the reader can wonder what happened!

      • June 5, 2010 11:03 pm

        Thank you very much Caroline!! I really appreciate your comments 🙂

    • June 4, 2010 6:14 pm

      I always love your poems Meagan!!!:):):) They’re always filled with so much emotion and so much imagery!!! I can see this as both a break-up and a death poem and love how in all the poem is positive. Too no longer dwell in the sadness but move on and live. As always amazing poem Meagan:):):)

      • June 5, 2010 11:05 pm

        Thanks so much Rumple. Thats really what Iwas going for, not dwelling over what can’t be changed. Thanks again :]

    • June 6, 2010 2:59 am

      Incredible imagery and emotions in this poem!!! Great Job!!

  5. June 4, 2010 12:18 am

    I kicked at the gravel with the tip of my red converse high top. The dust kicked up like a mini storm over Phoenix. I could still hear ’em all the way out here. Yellin’ at each other. Killin’ our family one syllable at a time.

    When I was small and my parents would argue I would pretend I was a secret agent ninja and sneak my way through the back door and up into my tree house in the backyard. I would draw or look at comic books until one of the two remembered they had a son and came looking for me.

    “Henry, come on out son. You are going to miss dinner.”, one of them would call to me. I would put down my comic or my crayons and come out slowly and slide down my super secret escape hatch rope and land on the ground as quiet as a samurai behind the tree.

    At the dinner table my Mom’s eyes would be puffy and red, and my Dad’s face would have these ugly red splotches from anger. I remember as a kid trying to find shapes in them like normal kids looked for in clouds.

    Normal kids bein’ the ones whose parents didn’t go at each other four times a week like clock work. All through the years I could set my clock by what time it would start and what time it was over. My Dad had a crap day at work, my Mom didn’t have enough money to get the hairstyle like all the other wives had. He didn’t do enough according to her, she wanted more than she needed according to him.

    I sometimes wonder if anyone is happy in a marriage. I am seventeen now so I have a girl of my own. Her name is Judy and she lives down the street. She is agreeable. She agrees with anything and everything I say. She has long red hair and green eyes. She is a foot or so shorter than me, but well I am on the tall side. Sometimes I say something mean and nasty to her. She just looks down at the poodle on her dress and waits for me to turn back into nice Henry.

    • June 4, 2010 3:05 am

      Pam, for some reason the ending of this creeps me out. I don’t know why. Some great lines:

      ~Killin’ our family one syllable at a time.

      ~I would draw or look at comic books until one of the two remembered they had a son and came looking for me.

      Nicely done!

    • June 4, 2010 6:11 pm

      Awesome story Pam!!! It makes me so sad, I feel so bad for Henry and wish someone could have helped him, helped his family so he could be happy. But now he’s turning into the type of person his father was. I hope there’s more to this, I’d love to read more:):):)

    • June 4, 2010 8:22 pm

      This is a very powerful story. I particularly like your main character’s looking back on his childhood and comparing it to where he is now. I think my favorite line is this: “I remember as a kid trying to find shapes in them like normal kids looked for in clouds.” I love that comparison to something that I think we all did as kids–looking for familiar shapes in the clouds.

  6. June 3, 2010 11:49 pm

    Yes, I am continuing my saga with Venetia and Andrick. I can’t believe it’s been going on for eleven weeks now! Incase this is your first time reading, I’m going to sum it for you. Venetia finds an amulet that is actually a portal to the Realm of Otherness, and she along with her classmate, Andrick, and the time travelers, Reviva and Cadmon, must protect it from the Arachne, who wants to release evil to the world. So, please read and enjoy!

    EXT. GREEK ROAD. DUSK. 107 B.C.

    VENETIA (seventeen with long, brown hair, golden brown eyes, and a brown school girl’s clothes with torn stockings)is falling asleep in the back of a wooden, donkey driven cart. ANDRICK (eighteen with dark, curly hair, green eyes, and wearing a slightly unbuttoned oxford, and relaxed brown pants)sits beside her while REVIVA (a woman with flowing blonde hair, misty gray eyes, and white robes)and CADMON (a good looking man in his late twenties with short red hair, green eyes, and upscale casual wear)sit across from them. KALOGEROS (an elderly Greek farmer) drives the cart in silence.

    CADMON:
    (to Reviva)
    I can’t believe he believes there’s a
    whole Polis of Greece dressed like us.

    REVIVA:
    Shhh!

    CADMON:
    Oh, right, we don’t want our driver
    to hear about-

    REVIVA:
    No, I think he’s pretty much deaf. I’m
    trying to figure out the Oracle’s prediction.
    You will find the place to destroy the
    amulet where you least expect it when the
    opportunity is found by the wearer. What
    does that mean?

    CADMON:
    I think it means we have time to figure
    it out later.

    Andrick notices Venetia looking a little chilly. He takes off his jacket and tries to put it on her.

    VENETIA:
    (mumbling)
    Don’t…

    ANDRICK:
    Why not?

    VENETIA:
    I just want to be left alone.

    ANDRICK:
    It’s too late for that, I think.

    VENETIA:
    It’s not too late; it’s my destiny.

    ANDRICK:
    Is that why you shut everyone out?
    Because you expect to be alone your
    whole life?

    VENETIA:
    I’m trying to sleep…

    ANDRICK:
    You’re not going to be alone! You
    think after this is all over that
    you’re going to live a life of
    solitude? Not a chance! After an
    ordeal like this, we’re family now!
    We’ll always be here to protect each
    other. And if you ever need anything,
    I’ll be there. So, get used to it.

    Venetia opens her eyes. She ponders these words for a beat. Suddenly, there is an explosion that flips the cart!

    • June 4, 2010 3:09 am

      Dana- As always I love your saga. I look forward each week to read where we’re at! I think it’s great that you’re writing this from prompts and “as you go” it makes like a weekly TV show. Keep it up!

      • June 4, 2010 3:47 am

        Wow, thanks! Glad you like it! I would love to make this a television show lol. I appreciate your comments.

    • June 4, 2010 10:52 pm

      I love your scripts Dana!!!:):):) You have such a talent for writing them. I love the story line and Greek allusions *the story of Arachne is one of my favs!!! Even though you use it as a group of people I freaked when I read Arachne, it made me smile:):):)*. It’s such a good, interesting story and I can’t wait to read more of it!!! You would be a great play-right!!!:):):)

      • June 5, 2010 5:06 am

        Thanks so much! I’m really glad you’re enjoying my work! It really does flatter me when people enjoy my work! Thanks for reading!

  7. June 3, 2010 11:24 pm

    Michelle, I’m SO EXCITED for all the Prophecy-ness coming up this summer! But it sounds like you really need to find five minutes to take a nice, deep breath. Or a soothing bubble bath.

    So…here’s another bit from “The Memory Game.” Sorry it’s kinda long. It’s dialogue and I really couldn’t find a decent place to cut it.

    ——————-

    “No.”

    “Chloe…”

    “No, nuh-uh. No way.”

    “Chloe, you’re being ridiculous.

    “No. Way.”

    “Take the damn pompoms, for the love of God!”

    Something about the sharpness in Alethea’s voice made Chloe turn around to face her. She was standing just as she’d been two minutes ago when this argument had started and Chloe had turned her back to Alethea, crossing her arms in the process. When Chloe finally turned around, she found Alethea glaring at her and holding out the set of pompoms.

    “I don’t want to be here,” Chloe sighed, staring at the pompoms as though they might jump out of Alethea’s hands and bite her.

    “Yeah, I kind of got that,” Alethea snapped.

    “I hate these stupid PE outfits.” Chloe looked down at what she was wearing—a horrid pair of black shorts and a navy blue t-shirt with the words “Saint Francis School Physical Education” printed in bold, white letters across the chest. Alethea was wearing the cheerleading practice uniform, which was the same horrid black shorts, but at least the shirt was halfway decent—white, fitted, with a cutesy pompom design and the words “Saint Francis School Senior High Cheerleaders.”

    “You haven’t gotten used to the PE outfits yet? You’ve been going here for nearly three years.”

    “Getting used to the PE outfits and liking them are two entirely different issues.”

    “Take the pompoms.” Alethea held the pompoms out even further toward Chloe, who shook her head again.

    “I don’t want to. This is stupid.”

    “It’s only stupid because you’re not taking the pompoms.”

    “I hate cheerleading. I hate cheerleaders. I hate the pep and the jumping and the false smiles. And the cheerleaders hate me too. They’re going to laugh.”

    “No, they’re not.”

    “I’m talking pee-their-pants kind of laughter.”

    “No, they’re not.”

    Chloe raised her eyebrows. “Are you delusional or just not observant? They,” Chloe pointed over at the other cheerleaders, who were crowded around a table, “hate me. With every fiber of their beings. They ignore me and taunt me and make my life a living hell.”

    Alethea snorted. “They’re not the ones who’ve made your life a living hell, trust me.”

    Chloe blinked a few times, but chose to disregard this comment. Over the last three days, ever since the girls had started talking about recovering Chloe’s memories, Alethea had made passing references to how hellish their lives were or their memories were or how Chloe was going to wish she hadn’t embarked on this little adventure of memory recovery. Now, she shook her head and pressed on. “This is a stupid idea. They’re never going to put me on the squad. I’m going to make an idiot of myself and just give them more ammunition. A memory isn’t worth all this.”

    “Six years.”

    “What?”

    “Six years. You can’t remember six years of your childhood. Are you sure a memory isn’t worth all this?”

    Chloe paused, thinking this argument over. “Can’t I find another trigger?”

    “You wanted my help.”

    “I know.”

    “You asked me what one of my triggers was.”

    “I know.”

    “You wanted a starting place, because you were unsure.”

    “I know. God, Alethea, just kick me when I’m down why don’t you.”

    • June 4, 2010 3:13 am

      Erin- Great dialogue and intriguing story! Looking forward to reading more. 🙂

      • June 4, 2010 5:09 pm

        Erin, this amazing! I love the dialouge, you pulled me in from the very begining, and I so can’t wait to read more of this story!

    • June 4, 2010 6:08 pm

      Amazing story Erin!!!:):):) I love the emotion Chloe feels, that she’s going to be making a fool of herself, everyone will laugh. I think that’s what everyone goes through since many people are afraid of what others think of them. I can’t wait for more of this story I love it:):):):)

    • FlaglineGeek permalink
      June 4, 2010 7:07 pm

      Intriguing. This is the first time I’ve heard the memory angle. (I haven’t been doing this awhile, so maybe I missed earlier excerpts.) I want to know more! And I love the dialogue too.

  8. June 3, 2010 10:09 pm

    This story was written just now, I just finished watching a horror movie so that kind of rooted the story. Enjoy:):):)
    ________________________________________________________________________

    The room shines brightly through white curtains
    Turning the darkness from my closed eyes red
    I wake up unwillingly and walk downstairs
    And turn on the radio for news of the Lake Clear Killer

    The Lake Clear Killer,
    It’s odd to here in a small town with a population of five hundred fifty two
    But if I’ve learned anything in this world
    I know it’s full of surprises

    The murders started six months ago
    Heather Leacock suffocated in her home, carbon monoxide
    Jake Cassidy drank wine laced with arsenic
    And Ricky Thompson was thrown in the lake, cement blocks tied to her feet

    They were all same age, twenty-two
    They had gone to the same Saint Clare’s Catholic Elementary School
    But otherwise no patterns followed there death
    Different genders, different hair colour, different eye colour, nothing

    The reporter buzzed a new missing person, Kathy Doyle
    A girl the same age and who had attended the same school as the other murder youths
    Everyone suspected her dead
    But what did the Killer do to take Kathy’s breath away???

    The Lake Clear Killer was a sick person who killed for joy
    That was what the media thought but only I knew the truth
    The Lake Clear Killer murdered for revenge
    On the classmates who had driven her to madness

    I walk to my bathroom and wash myself up as scarlet rolls down my body
    Pimply Priscilla, that’s what they called me
    Putrid Pricilla, Prissy Priscilla, Paranoid Priscilla
    I would never let them hurt me again, now I would hurt them.

    Only much worse.

    I walk through my empty house as sun shine lights my way
    I enter the garage and see my silver Cadillac safely tucked away
    I go to the trunk and open it, happy to see
    Kathy Doyle’s sightless eyes looking back at me.

    • June 3, 2010 10:23 pm

      This is amazing! The one thing I like best, though, is that for the majority of it, you don’t know that the narrator is the Lake Clear Killer, but slowly, around the last bit, it’s all adding up.
      This is completely random, but there’s a girl in my band class with the name Kathy Doyle…

      • June 3, 2010 10:31 pm

        Woah creepy!!! I was just thinking of name’s really quickly and put it together but that’s actually very creepy!!! Make sure you keep her away from Lake Clear lolz:):):)

        Glad you liked the story Elly!!! I was trying to make it not so obvious and I’m glad it worked out as I wanted. Thanks again Elly!!!:):):)

    • June 3, 2010 10:37 pm

      Holy shit. That’s creepy as all get out. Reallygood but freakin’ creepy. *shivers*

      I loved the way you told it in poetry format–it made it even more chilling. I loved that it’s told from the Killer’s POV. AWESOME.

      Um…I want more….

    • June 4, 2010 3:16 am

      This is creeptastic, hon! I LOVE this!! I love the question about what took her breath away and the line about her sightless eyes looking at the narrator.

      Curious… what horror movie did you watch?

    • mak...XD permalink
      June 4, 2010 4:07 pm

      oh…wow…. beautiful!!! i love this psychotic feeling. the theme of revenge reminds me of sweeny todd. one of my favourite movies…do you mind if i request a gore scene…as in if you actually write one of the murders???? like a big bang!! a big finish!!! i’ll love to see what you can come up with!!! ❤ ~mak

      • June 4, 2010 4:50 pm

        Thanks Nazarea, Danielle and mak!!! I’m glad you like it!!!:):):)

        @ Nazarea: I find that writing in poetry format you can usually fit more in a story because you’re concentrating on filling every detail in a certain number of lines. Because of the plot of the poem/story *pory???lolz:):):)* I wanted to fit as much as I could in 300 words, and I still went over!!! *stupids 304…* I never actually thought of adding more to this, I literally wrought it last night and posted it right away so I’ve never thought of what could happen after this. Any suggestions???:):):)

        @Danielle: Thanks Danielle!!! I was kind of trying to fit in some black humour their and I think it worked out in a creepy way. :):):) I was watching The Little Girl Who Lived Down the Lane, it’s a really old movie about a girl who lives alone and ended up killing her mother and landlady. It put me in the creepy mood but I was also thinking of the short story by Stephen King called Strawberry Fields *I think…* and I wanted to see if I could right something like he could. Glad you like it:):):)

        @mak: I love Sweeney Todd and never thought of using that movie as a center for the story!!! Sure you can suggest something, I’d be honoured to write it and do it as best as I can:):):)

        I’m glad you all liked it:):):) Your comments make me very happy, I’ll definitely try this writing style more in the future:):):)

    • June 4, 2010 5:14 pm

      Woah, this was AWESOMELY AMAZING!! I loved! Very very creepy! This was so well written, I like you formatted it, and I wasnt expecting it to turn out how it did, either. Reall really great job, I want to read more on it!

      • June 4, 2010 6:18 pm

        Hey Meagan I’m glad you liked the story:):):) I’m glad it was creepy, I was worried it would be a failed attempt at creepy and am very happy you liked it:):):) I haven’t really thought of expanding this more but if anyone has ideas I’d be willing to try. Thanks for commenting Meagan:):):)

    • FlaglineGeek permalink
      June 4, 2010 7:10 pm

      Holy freaking crap! This scares the hell out of me! It’s so creepy, yet I want to know more. And I sickly love that it’s written from the killer’s POV.

      • June 4, 2010 10:38 pm

        Thanks FlaglineGeek!!!:):):):) I’m glad you like it:):):) I’m actually really surprised this short story got so much attention!!! I did it in the Killer’s POV too try and shock reader’s at the end, I’m glad it worked out I was afraid people would guess right away!!! Thanks for commenting FlaglineGeek:):):)

    • June 6, 2010 2:51 pm

      i truly loved this! :]
      i liked how it started off, then ended with the narrator [kinda] being the killer.
      simply marvelous ❤

      • June 6, 2010 4:19 pm

        Thanks Alix-wa!!! I’m glad you liked it, this is basically me trying to write something creepy.:):):) Glad you liked it Alix-wa!!!:):):)

  9. June 3, 2010 9:52 pm

    Michelle- Do you get a moment to breathe this summer?! Wow! So much is happening! I want to get my greedy little hands on one of Kenneth’s soundtracks! I believe Guardian of the Gate is coming out in Oz in August as well so I won’t have to wait. Yee-haw!

    Oh, hey… side note… if anyone is interested in winning a copy of THE VICIOUS DEAD which features a short story of mine called, “People Like Me”, head over to my site (you can click on my name and it’ll take you there) and see the rules. Super simple! Deadline is June 6th!

    Now to read all my awesome writing pals pieces!! 🙂

  10. June 3, 2010 9:21 pm

    Gil and Sheila.

    I finally sat down in the tiny garden Mirbe had given over to the floral ladies, winter flowers cold and frosty around us. Sheila Changed, and came to me wrapped in her sheet. She shivered a little, and for an irrational moment I wished for the heat of the Seelie.

    “You love her very much.” She said finally, when her teeth stopped chattering.

    I nodded. It was the defining fact of my life—my love for my queen.

    “Does Ash understand?” Her voice was curious, free of the jealousy I had almost expected.

    “Ash tries.” I said quietly, aware of the bitterness that filled my voice, “We were of the Unseelie court—Dark fae with all that it implies. Loyalty in Sloane’s burrows is rare and never without motive. She tries to understand the loyalty that would inspire a eternity vow.”

    “It’s hard for others to understand a loyalty that you don’t always get.” She said simply, reaching for my hand.

    I glanced at her in surprise, startled to see the understanding in her wood-brown eyes. She gave a deprecating shrug. “It’s not so different than how we feel for our Alpha.”

    A knot of tension loosened in me at the simple declaration. I stared at the she-wolf in shock and she finally forced a smile, and began to rise. “I should get back.”

    I caught her hand as she pulled her sheet closer, a meager block to the rising wind. I hugged her close as I tucked her head under my chin, and sighed as we enjoyed the sun, blinding on the snow and the silence of the manor

    • June 3, 2010 10:17 pm

      Amazing story Nazarea!!! You can really feel the bond Gil and Sheila feel, especially Gil’s devotion, love towards his queen.

      My favourite line is: “we enjoyed the sun, blinding on the snow and the silence of the manor.”

      I’ve always been an imagery freak but I can see it so well and that line brings me into winter, into the garden.

      I hope you expand on this story, I love it and would love too see more!!!:):):) Awesome job Nazarea, you’re an amazing author!!!:):):)

      • June 3, 2010 10:40 pm

        Aww, thanks 🙂 I’m glad you enjoyed it. I always like writing about Gil, he’s such a fun character–even when he misbehaves, which is often.

        As for more….this snipet is actually from a short story. It’s set AFTER the events in the novel…which is done. Lots of Gil, his queen and all their folk. 🙂 (I use snipets from the novel in previous TNWs.)

        Thanks again for the read.

    • June 4, 2010 3:19 am

      Nazarea- you have a way with words, my dear! I love the way you paint pictures with words. Beautiful! And more I read of Gil, the more I find I like him. 😉

  11. FlaglineGeek permalink
    June 3, 2010 8:32 pm

    This is actually something that I wrote awhile ago, and I’ve never gone back to it until now. (I know that’s bad, but I have a problem being consistent when I think of new ideas constantly.) Opening this file and posting it reminded me how much I loved writing this, and I want to return to this story.

    “Shhsh.” He gently quieted me with the soft touch of his finger against my lips. I held my breath and closed my eyes, instinctively reaching up to where his hand would be. But I didn’t grab hold of anything. Either he’d moved his hand or I couldn’t feel it. But I’d felt his finger…

    And then his lips met mine. My eyes were still closed and I kept them that way, knowing I would open them only to look upon a mysterious glow. So I let the kiss take over. His lips were soft and warm against mine, the kiss gentle and sweet. It lasted only a few moments but I felt so much more than I ever had with Michael. It was as if I could feel the barrier between our worlds attempting to restrain us and then cracking under the pressure. The power and magic unlocked. The dangers of our action lurking around the corner. And I loved all of it.

    Then it was over. Our lips parted and the fireworks faded away.

    I opened my eyes. His gorgeous face was inches from mine. I couldn’t believe it. Quickly, I blinked many times before finally believing what was right in front of me. I saw him. He was actually there. More than just a glow. And not going away.

    He was more beautiful than any image my mind produced. Dark, thick hair, that reminded me of the best skater hair, fell from his head and his skin was tan. A gorgeous color of tan that any human would dream of. It was a color that reminded me of some odd, exotic tropical land. I wondered where his kind lived when they weren’t in our world. Then I realized how muscular he was. His abs and biceps were well defined, like the hottest movie star. And his eyes, they glistened a beautiful, captivating blue. Like two deep pools filled with secrets and mystery. Wings, the same captivating blue color, peeked out from behind his back. Finally, I gazed upon the lips I’d just kissed. They looked as good as they’d felt. Soft and plump.

    • June 3, 2010 9:30 pm

      mmmm….I love a good kissing scene.
      and THIS, my dear, is a VERY good kissing scene. 🙂

      • FlaglineGeek permalink
        June 4, 2010 7:15 pm

        Thank you! I wasn’t sure how to write it, and I also wrote this awhile ago (and I’ve wrote alot more since), so I’m glad you like it.

    • June 3, 2010 10:24 pm

      Oh wow amazing story FlaglineGleek!!!:):):) It’s so beautifully written, the love between the two characters is so noticeable, though they never say I love you.

      Lines that really stick out for me are: “It was as if I could feel the barrier between our worlds attempting to restrain us and then cracking under the pressure.”

      It’s such a beautiful description, I can feel the boundaries ready too break!!! I also really loved how you described him with beauty and mystery in the same paragraph.

      I really hope you continue with this story FlaglineGleek!!! I really want to read more, awesome job keep writing!!!:):):)

      • FlaglineGeek permalink
        June 4, 2010 7:23 pm

        Thank you so much! I enjoy the good comments, especially because this piece is from awhile ago. And I think knowing these snippets will help: this is actually their first kiss, he’s a faery, and he’s been protecting her from great danger because she is also a (very) important faery (though she doesn’t know it).

    • June 4, 2010 3:24 am

      This was beautiful! Well done! I love the descriptions of the kiss and how she was afraid he wasn’t really there, just a glow, but suddenly he was there. I look forward to reading more!

      • FlaglineGeek permalink
        June 4, 2010 7:26 pm

        Thank you so much! 🙂

    • michellezinkbooks permalink*
      June 5, 2010 2:30 pm

      Fantastic! Nazarea is right – this is an incredible love scene.

      SO many rich details that it’s hard to pick just one! But I especially love this;

      It lasted only a few moments but I felt so much more than I ever had with Michael. It was as if I could feel the barrier between our worlds attempting to restrain us and then cracking under the pressure. The power and magic unlocked.

      Very, very nice, hon. Sensual and visual and everything a scene like this should be.

      LOVE!

      MZ

      • FlaglineGeek permalink
        June 5, 2010 4:57 pm

        Thank you so much! It’s lovely to hear such nice comments. 🙂 You guys have motivated me to continue this story.

  12. June 3, 2010 8:26 pm

    Sounds like super-exciting stuff is coming up soon 🙂

    They’re really short, so I’m going to share two little snippets from RED HERRING, a YA contemporary mystery. (They’re not chronologically in order.)
    __________________
    “Who were you talking to?”

    “Nobody,” Cherry answers quickly. A little too quickly, he’s bound to catch on. “I was practicing my oral presentation for Friday.” Smooth, very smooth. “I’m just going to head outside for a walk, clear my head, okay?” And then the sliding panel window is slamming shut, and all I can see is a square of light hitting the dry grass in her backyard.

    There are no more voices, but I stay there, crouched in the bushes, pulse racing and thoughts pounding.

    Finally, finally, finally. After way too much time has passed, Cherry lopes around the fence door and into her backyard. “Arden?” her voice is an annoyed fish hook, whisper thin and slicing into me.

    ______________________

    I leave their protests and questioning faces behind me as I half run, half crawl my way upstairs, clawing the carpeted steps, the polished wood handrail, along the way.

    Brain conks out and body takes over, intuitively deciding actions. Feet carry me into the room, tripping along the plush carpet. Arms swing to propel me forward. Hand reaches out behind me to slam the door. Body collapses against the door, and then I’m unable to hold myself up any longer, I’m sliding down along the door, melting, dripping, descending to meet the floor.

    Butt lands against the bouncy fibres of the carpet heavily, eyes stare straight ahead, unblinking. Nose itches, clenches, hurts, anticipating the waterworks. Ears clam up, enveloping me into a silent cocoon. Mouth wrenches shut, fist presses up against it, holding the sounds in.

    The eyes, though, the eyes.

    They betray me.

    • FlaglineGeek permalink
      June 3, 2010 8:37 pm

      I really liked both of these excerpts! They both intrigue me so much. I want to know why the person’s spying (the first one). And I want to know what they’re running from (second one). I love how right-in-the-action these scenes are, too.

      • June 5, 2010 2:07 pm

        Thank you! I’m glad you liked them 🙂

    • June 3, 2010 10:28 pm

      Amazing Deltay!!! I love these snippets, both are full of suspense and mystery, leaving us waiting for more!!!

      I loved the secrecy of the first one, watching Cherry only to be caught. But I loved the emotion in the second excerpt, how the body takes over in panic when the brain can no longer grasp what’s happening.

      I hope you write more for both of these, there amazing and would love to see them expanded!!!

      • June 5, 2010 2:08 pm

        They’re actually excerpts from a novel (in progress), so there’s definitely more where that came from 😉 Thank you!

    • June 4, 2010 5:28 pm

      Both pieces are so intriguing! I love the last line of the second piece. I apologize, I can’t remember.. is your story completed?

      • June 5, 2010 2:08 pm

        This one isn’t finished yet. Thank you! 🙂

    • michellezinkbooks permalink*
      June 5, 2010 2:28 pm

      I like both of these, Deltay! The first, because I can tell that you’re seeing everything in your mind as you write it. Details like, “And then the sliding panel window is slamming shut, and all I can see is a square of light hitting the dry grass in her backyard” really help us see what you’re seeing.

      The second piece is different. I like the way you’ve sort of distanced the narrator from his/her body by referring to its parts deliberately and in the third person. Also love that last line! Very powerful. And everyone knows I’m a sucker for an incredible last line.

      Nicely done, Sweets!

      MZ

      • June 7, 2010 1:13 am

        Thank you so much for all the super kind words – it’s always reassuring to hear that [the writing] is working 🙂

  13. Miss Extreme permalink
    June 3, 2010 7:52 pm

    I opened my eyes after the whirlwind of cool air stopped and found myself standing at the cemetery. Automatically I felt creeped out but I had no time to waste. So I ran. Images racing in my head to the rhythm of my footsteps, each one of Joseph. He had just kissed me. And it wasn’t one of those ‘I’m only doing it because I’m probably never going to see you again’ kisses. It was a REAL kiss. The memory of Cassandra pressing her lips against his exploded in my mind and I felt myself smile in satisfaction. Before I could let myself get too distracted, I was there. It stood in front of me, the small rickety sign hanging over my head.
    I pushed open the door of the tool shed and slowly made my way inside. It was dark and my cell phone wasn’t giving off much light. You have to find it. I told myself. After bumping around the room some more I ran into a cabinet and watched as a small box fell to my feet. “Got it” I mustered and bent down to open it.
    A small sheet of paper unraveled in my hands.
    Joseph, you must come. We need you and Liza both. You must both fight against the dark essence. It will be dangerous, but together you can fend him off until our armies are put together.
    I knew I was supposed to go! I was frustrated yes, but on the bottom of the paper, the location was given. Now I could only pray that I would get there in time.
    I felt the tornado of freezing air engulf me until I was sure I was standing still. I opened my eyes, found myself in the great plain field, and also the most horrific sight I had ever witness. I could feel my heart dropping.
    “Liza!” Joseph screamed, his neck being squeezed between Nathaniel’s cruel hands, “Get out of here now!”

    • FlaglineGeek permalink
      June 3, 2010 8:22 pm

      I like this alot. It’s suspensful, then BAM at the end.

    • June 3, 2010 10:36 pm

      This is great; there’s suspense and the descriptions are really good.
      One thing that stood out was: I felt the tornado of freezing air engulf me until I was sure I was standing still.

      • June 4, 2010 5:21 pm

        I really liked this. My heart kinda raced with the narrator, really good suspense, and I really want to read more!

    • June 4, 2010 5:31 pm

      Nicely done! There’s a rush of excitement throughout… I was a little confused here: “The memory of Cassandra pressing her lips against his exploded in my mind and I felt myself smile in satisfaction.” But I’m sure if I read the story together, that would make sense to me. 🙂

      I enjoyed this and hope to read more!

    • michellezinkbooks permalink*
      June 4, 2010 5:55 pm

      This is very visual. I’m able to see everything that’s happening without having to stop to picture it, something that’s key for me when I read.

      Things like this are simple bt very effective;

      It stood in front of me, the small rickety sign hanging over my head.
      I pushed open the door of the tool shed and slowly made my way inside.

      Great job, hon!

      MZ

    • June 4, 2010 5:57 pm

      Amazing story Miss Extreme!!! I love the suspense and the urgency in the writing. Liza having to get something, momentarily forgetting her happiness with Joseph to do her job. I’d love to see this story continue, it’s amazing keep writing:):):)

  14. June 3, 2010 7:38 pm

    Ensley felt the grainy black beads underneath her hands and gasped, her eyes flinging open. Above her was the silvery-blue sky of the Night Realm. There were no stars or a moon; just wisps of black clouds. Her blonde hair was tangled in her face and she tried to cough up the nonexistent water.
    Calm down, she told herself, you weren’t drowning; it was just a memory. But the thing that baffled Ensley was that the memory had felt more real than any of the previous times it had haunted her. Ensley shuddered and sat up, examining the area around her.
    From where she sat, there was nothing except for fog. It was a barren wasteland; Ensley had thought there’d be fire and lava and volcanoes because that’s how all angels were taught to envision hell. But this place was cold, empty, and ominous. There were no trees, no wildlife, and no evidence of any other demons.
    Then, she remembered that Kaiden had followed her…but where was he? Ensley was entirely alone. An urge to scream his name, to search for him, arose, but that would only make demons more aware that an angel had arrived in their domain and that was the last thing she wanted to do.
    When she stood up, the beads crunched underneath her feet, sounding much louder than they should. Fear pulsed through Ensley as she watched a single, hulking shadow emerge from the fog, bright crimson scales flashing like a beacon. Its eyes were tiny yellow slits and its mouth was a thin grey line that curved into a smirk. Its arms were big and buff and black spikes made a line down his back. It came forward, a single knife in its hand. Four others followed, each looking like carbon-copies of another.
    Ensley ran as fast as she could in the opposite direction until everything went black.

    • June 3, 2010 10:34 pm

      Yeah continuation from last week!!! I love this Elly, there’s so much fear and suspense with Ensley bring in the Night Realm. And where’s Kaiden??? He’s supposed to save Ensley not have her killed by creepy multiplying shadows!!!

      I can’t wait for more Elly, this is an amazing story!!! Keep writing!!!:):):)

      • June 4, 2010 5:23 pm

        Ohhh, this is soo good :] I’m very excited for more

    • June 4, 2010 5:36 pm

      I’m loving this story so much! Each week you surprise me even more than the week before! Great job, Elly!! I love how Hell isn’t what she thought it would be like.

      Creepy, too!

    • michellezinkbooks permalink*
      June 4, 2010 5:38 pm

      Elly, I’m noticing real improvement in your writing, hon. I’ve always liked it, but this is… cleaner than your earlier work. You’re using adjectives more judiciously, and it’s making the ones you DO use that much more powerful.

      And this is a great opener;

      Ensley felt the grainy black beads underneath her hands and gasped, her eyes flinging open.

      Keep at at it, Sweets!

      MZ

  15. mak...XD permalink
    June 3, 2010 7:12 pm

    Abyss
    They say a picture is worth a thousand words. The pictures I create get nothing near to that. Not even six words of descriptive praise. Instead, I get, “Looks good. What is it?” accompanied by looks of bewilderment and confusion. No one understands MY art. It’s all a dark imagination crawling in my head and bouncing off the walls of the room my brain has put aside for my lack of creativity.
    A person will read any story of mine and ask him or herself, “What rubbish does this child speak of?” But no, they will never ask me aloud what my ‘rubbish’ means. The brainiest person I know may read one of my oddly formatted poems and say to my face, “This is deep stuff.” But the harsh reality is that this person thinks that I am a psychotic human being, that I need a psychiatrist. That I am the saddest, most emotional- wreck case, they have ever seen!
    I have an awkward passion for dark emotions and morbid visions. ‘Tis the only reason I write in black ink. I am an artist, new to my kind. I am a writer, risen above the sane and normal. I am a poet, glistening in my shadow-faded glory amongst the Romantics and Shakespeareans and the much too self-piteous facades. I am genuine in my art form.
    I implore you to dive into my creations, for they mean everything to me. They ARE me. I AM them. Explore them. Do not skim what is on the surface for deep down, you may find pleasure in the dark abyss.
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
    monologue…i hope ya’ll enjoyed!!! XD

    • June 4, 2010 12:00 am

      I like this! As an actress, I deal with monologues all the time. I can see someone reciting this auditioning for a play or something. And it sounds like an interesting story behind it. Have you considered play writing?

      • mak...XD permalink
        June 4, 2010 3:34 pm

        nope…i’m more artistic with my words this way (and of course on paper as drawings) that dramatic. although i do like drama alot…tnx

      • June 4, 2010 5:38 pm

        Mak- This is great. I love that you wrote it as a monologue because like Dana I can see someone performing this.

    • michellezinkbooks permalink*
      June 4, 2010 5:25 pm

      I used to do a lot of theater, and I, too, can hear this being recited.

      It’s no secret that I’m kind of a dark person, so it’s probably no surprise that I always love your work, Mak. I think it’s a mistake and a travesty to your art to shy away from the dark places. They’re as real as the light, and as artists, I think we have to pay homage to them sometimes in order to bring authenticity to our work. You are never afraid to do that, and it makes your work so powerful.

      Love it, Sweets!

      MZ

    • June 4, 2010 5:27 pm

      MAK, I swear, I havent read a single one of your writings that I haven’t absolutely loved, and this was no exception! This was just so great, I feel like I can relate to it in some parts, and, this just rocks!!! 🙂

    • June 4, 2010 6:00 pm

      This is amazing mak!!! I think this is something we can all relate to. Feeling that no one can understand our style whether it be writing, art, singing, acting, etc. and always having a person who can’t understand something that is so simple to us. I also act and think this would be an amazing monologue to use, you can use so much emotion, put so much into it!!! Amazing job mak, I’d love to see some more monologues:):):)

      • mak...XD permalink
        June 4, 2010 9:02 pm

        hmm…i’m writing a lot of monologues AND poems these days…michelle, sorry but time to brush up on your poetry!! lol. thanks guys!!! for all the support…it really REALLY means a lot…<3 lots!!!

  16. June 3, 2010 6:46 pm

    and i definitely cannot wait until more details about those prize packs come out :]
    i know that i’d love another copy of your wonderful book, especially a paperback [my favourite!]

  17. June 3, 2010 6:41 pm

    it’s been a while since i’ve posted on a thursday, it usually takes me a day or two to find a piece that i like to post, or to even write a new one. this piece was one that i found in my notebook, influenced by one of my favourite songs. i hope you all like it! :3

    ———————-

    i’ve been over you since last month, the night when the wind howled and tore through my paper-thin skin, exposing my milky-white, glass bones. since the steady beat of the rain turned into the drumming of your fingers as you sent me that text. since my eyes had decided that they didn’t want to drown in tears every time that i imagined would come when it was time for you to leave town.

    what can i say except that you shouldn’t be hung up on me? we all know that you’re never going to change my mind, so don’t even bother trying. don’t get yourself so worked up, everything is going to be just fine and you’ll be able to move on before you know it.

    you’re still in love, but i’m so over you and it’s killing me to put you through this pain. i lie to you over and over, hiding my newfound relationship with a long lost crush because i’m scared of what you’ll do if you found out.

    you’ve only got one more night to make things happen, just one more night to hold my hand. once this clock strikes twelve, the game’s over and you’ll lose. i don’t believe that you can convince me with just a kiss that i should stay with you, either.

    oh darling, there’s no need to get worked up about this, because i know that everything will be just fine. go off to your whores and leave me be, we both know that it’ll be best this way. take your mouthful of unsaid words and broken promises and the games you play with you, i have no need for them here.

    oh darling, don’t look back at me like that, there’s no reason for me to take you back.

    • Miss Extreme permalink
      June 3, 2010 7:56 pm

      I absolutely LOVED this! 🙂
      I especially like that it was influenced by a song, Music really can inspire a great imagination 🙂
      And I’m curious to know the song 😀

      • June 3, 2010 8:28 pm

        the song is so over you by the mission district.
        i took a few song lines and inserted them into this piece.
        i do believe this was written the last time i was dumped, perhaps…
        the song helped me get through it :]

    • FlaglineGeek permalink
      June 3, 2010 8:27 pm

      OMG! What else can I say? This is amazing!

      • June 3, 2010 8:30 pm

        thanks :]
        it’s great to hear such wonderful comments!

    • June 3, 2010 8:29 pm

      Wow, the emotion in this is great! Well done 🙂

      • June 3, 2010 8:32 pm

        thankyouu deltay :]
        i seem to like to keep my emotions to myself, the stronger ones like these, because i can create works such as this from it. writing helps me cope with almost anything :]

    • June 3, 2010 9:58 pm

      I really like this. The descriptions are amazing and I can sorta relate to bits and pieces of this.

      • June 3, 2010 9:59 pm

        thanks elly :]
        i try to make it so that others can relate as well, i find that’s always best :]

    • michellezinkbooks permalink*
      June 4, 2010 5:16 pm

      As always with your writing, I love this, Alix. It’s honest almost to the point of discomfort. It’s so, so important to go to the uncomfortable places, and you always do that beautifully.

      Great job, hon. You have real talent.

      MZ

      • June 4, 2010 5:32 pm

        Positively beautiful! The emotions run high, and I love the imagery you use, especially in the fisrt paragraph. Great work, I always love your posts! 🙂

      • June 4, 2010 11:06 pm

        hehe, thankyouu michelle :3
        i have noticed that there’s a trend in my writing where i tend to write about uncomfortable times and places, strange. i can be a happy person, but there’s so much more things to write about when you talk about the bad memories.

    • June 4, 2010 5:41 pm

      Alix- I love the raw emotion you put into your writing! You don’t hold back and that’s fabulous. Another great piece!

      • June 4, 2010 11:08 pm

        thanks danielle :]
        i tried keeping my writing all nice and pretty with butterflies and a full moon and a little white rabbit, but that turned into a forty page story about alice being chased by monsters haha.
        decided that i’d rather write like this :]

    • June 4, 2010 6:04 pm

      Oh wow Alix-wa!!! I love this!!!:):):) There’s so much emotion, so much imagery *my favourite things in reading/writing*. I also love the allusion to fairy-tales: “once this clock strikes twelve, the game’s over and you’ll lose.” It turns something so innocent like a fairy-tale into a modern reality. I’d love to read more stuff like this Alix-wa, I love your writing style!!!:):):)

      • June 4, 2010 11:11 pm

        thanks rumple :]
        i love imagery too, and i’ve learned some good ways to use them from reading some fellow deviantartists. i found that reading their work helped me to improve on my own and develop as a person. and i just have to add lines like that into every piece i write, i like to tie the fantasy/fairy-tale element into real life :]

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