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Thursday Night Write + Guardian of the Gate Clue?

June 24, 2010

That’s right. I’m so badass that I’m actually going to give you guys a written prompt in the form of a passage from Guardian of the Gate.

Okay. That’s not really badass. But let me have my fun, will you?

😀

Anyway, I thought it would be fun to mix up our picture prompts with something written, so this one will come in the form of a passage from Guardian of the Gate. This way, you get a teaser, too. Because I can even multi-task TNW!

Same rules apply; Give yourself no more than 30 minutes to write something inspired by this passage (obviously not Prophecy- or Guardian-related! Take it in your own direction!). Then post no more than 500 words of it for comment, and don’t forget to comment at least one other entry.

Your prompt is as follows;

“The field’s openness is terrifying, though the sun shines brightly, turning gold the wild grass and swaying wheat that stretches in every direction. For all its beauty, the field leaves me no place to hide.”

Have funnnnnn!

And now, a couple of updates;

Thanks to everyone who’s entered the Ipod Super Swag Giveaway. There’s still lots of time to enter, so keep sending newbies to the blog to comment. That way you get extra entries.

I also want to thank Indigo Canada for nominating Prophecy of the Sisters in the Best Villain category for their First Annual Teen Read Awards. I’m especially honored to be nominated in this category, because I always set out to create a complex, multi-dimensional villain in Alice. So please head over the the Teen Read Awards site and show Prophecy some love by voting in the Best Villain category and posting comments about it. Because let’s face it; Alice is the BEST at being BAD. 😀 Plus, there are tons of amazing prizes up for grabs just for voting, and you can vote every day through August 30th.

Lastly, I need to say a very special Happy Birthday to one of the most incredible young people I know, Annie aka Senfaye from A Maze of Books. I was invited to participate in a Birthday Vlog Compilation, but the truth is, I’m a bit vlog shy! So I’m just going to wish Annie a very Happy Birthday in the best way I know how. By telling her that I have rarely met someone her age with such a devoted passion for books. Annie came onto the blogging scene over a year ago at a very tender age. I know it was not always easy for her to be in the company of older, more experienced bloggers, but Annie’s love of books shone through in her reviews. And that, my friends, is what it’s all about.

So Happy Birthday, my Sweet. May life offer you all the joy, excitement, and love you deserve. And when it does, may you grab it with both hands and enjoy the ride. I love ya, kiddo!

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56 Comments leave one →
  1. June 26, 2010 2:32 am

    Week 14 of my improv script saga. Oh, but I decided on the title, “The Amulet of Otherness.” If this is your first time reading, I’ll recap. Venetia finds an amulet that is really the portal to the realm of otherness. She, along with her classmate, Andrick, and two time travellers, Reviva and Cadmon, has to protect the amulet from Arachne, who wants to open up the realm and take over the world. So, read and enjoy 🙂

    EXT. MEADOW. MORNING.

    VENETIA (seventeen with long, brown hair, golden brown eyes, and a brown school girl’s clothes with torn stockings) is walking across an open, sunny field along with ANDRICK (eighteen with dark, curly hair, green eyes, and wearing a slightly unbuttoned oxford, and relaxed brown pants), REVIVA (a woman with flowing blonde hair, misty gray eyes, and white robes), and CADMON (a good looking man in his late twenties with short red hair, green eyes, and upscale casual wear). The meadow is sunny, the grass is bright green, and there are even a couple of rabbits hopping across the field, and their mood seems to contradict the enviroment they’re in.

    VENETIA:
    Okay, I have to ask. Reviva,
    why can’t we just travel
    forward to when we destroy
    the necklace and learn how
    we did it? Or maybe find a
    book where we’re mentioned?

    REVIVA:
    That’s against the rules. You
    can’t go forward to see what
    you’ve done because you have
    to be able to make choices.
    There are clues here and
    there, but you can’t watch
    yourself doing something you
    haven’t done yet.

    ANDRICK:
    That doesn’t make sense.

    CADMON:
    You could try, but it’d be
    like jumping on a horse that
    won’t ride. Besides, even if
    it was possible, we wouldn’t
    know where or when to look.

    At that moment, Arachne and his men appear on the field.

    ANDRICK:
    There’s no where to hide!

    Arachne and his henchmen are running closer to them. They start to run.

    VENETIA:
    There is one place to hide!
    Hold on!

    Reviva grabs Cadmon’s hand, who grabs Andrick’s hand, who grab’s Venetia’s hand. Just as the henchmen are getting close enough to hear their ragged breath, Venetia puts on the amulet. There is a bright flash, and the four of them are sucked into the portal.

  2. June 25, 2010 11:19 pm

    I havent really written anything lately, and what I have, its not too good, but I cant keep myself from posting.I drew this up from the prompt, I’m not really sure about it. Any critiquing and comments welcome. Here goes nothing…….

    The Wall

    Here, the world looks beautiful.
    But for how cruel
    The world is, the beauty isn’t suitable.

    ‘Cause it’s all unraveling like a spool
    Of the worlds most precious thread.

    And in all
    This cruelty
    I fear it must be said
    That this incredible beauty
    That seems rare and wonderous
    Is like a wall
    Of lies,
    Trapping me inside.

    I’ve nowhere to hide.
    And I’m curious,

    What will happen
    When it all goes to hell?
    What will be the caption,
    When this story they tell?

    I don’t know where to go.
    I don’t know what I know,
    Except that were running outta thread.

    • June 26, 2010 12:31 am

      I always love your poems Meagan!!! There always so beautiful and so in depth!!! I love comparing time to the unraveling of a spool of thread!!! I never would have thought of comparing it that way!!!:):):) As always, amazing poems Meagan, I love reading your work:):):)

      • June 27, 2010 9:18 pm

        Thank you soo much Rumple.!!!!!! :]

  3. FlaglineGeek permalink
    June 25, 2010 10:15 pm

    Sorry it’s late. I didn’t have a computer available to me Thursday. Anyway, I was inspired by the feeling of having nowhere to hide, and that turned into this scene. Also, I have no experience with this condition so I don’t know if the descriptions are accurate. This is just what I imagined. Enjoy!

    Agoraphobia. That’s the fear of open spaces. I have it. I always have. The thing that gets me is the feeling I have nowhere to go, nowhere to hide. I constantly imagine someone running after me, and since I’m in an open space, there is no cover. I run, but can’t hide. The open space stretches before me, expanding as I race towards its edges. There’d be nothing I could do. Nothing to stop someone from kidnapping me, or worse.

    Even now, as I enter the open expanse of sand, I can’t help but feeling my hands clam up. My hearts beats faster. I’m with my friends this shouldn’t be happening. Why does my mouth feel thick? Why do I continuously look around? My heart beats faster still.

    It’s a beach, I tell myself. And I’m with Alicia and Maggie. Logically, I know I shouldn’t be afraid. But I am. I can’t contain the fear building inside me. A wide open beach.

    “Are you okay?” Alicia asks. I’ve never told them. Never told anyone. I don’t think they’d take me seriously. This isn’t as common as claustrophobia.

    “I’m fine,” I manage, but she must notice something in my face. Am I pale? Is my jaw clenched? My heart continues to thud. Thud, thud, thud. So quickly. Too quickly.

    “Are you sure?” Maggie presses. They’ve both noticed something’s wrong. Should I tell them? No. Yes. No. Yes. The choices flip-flop in my head. Will they believe me? Are they close enough friends to understand? To not judge? “You look like you’ve seen a ghost,” Maggie continues.

    Yes. I have to.

    “I—I have something to tell you.”

    • June 26, 2010 12:25 am

      Awesome story FlaglineGeek!!! It’s so emotional, the reader can feel the narrators fear of the outside, it’s nothingness, her fear of telling her friends and strength in having courage to tell them. Amazing story as always FlaglineGeek!!!:):):)

      • FlaglineGeek permalink
        June 26, 2010 4:00 pm

        Thanks so much.

  4. June 25, 2010 9:22 pm

    Thank you SO much, Michelle! It means a lot to me. ❤

    -Annie

  5. mak...XD permalink
    June 25, 2010 12:55 pm

    Like you, A blasphemy

    I am an oddity,
    In perfection
    Like you.

    I am a disgrace,
    In someone with the permission
    to be proud
    Like you.

    I am a misfit,
    In someone so popular
    Like you.

    I am unseen,
    In someone so visible
    Like you.

    I will better myself
    And be better than all,
    In someone so weak, pathetic
    Like you.
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
    comments and critique welcome!!! i cant even remember if i posted this before…@.@ lol

    • June 25, 2010 5:51 pm

      This is beautiful!!! I really love this, amazing job!!

    • June 26, 2010 12:16 am

      Awesome poem Mak!!!:):):) This is so beautiful, I love how it brings out hope at the end!!! I also love how the poem is talking to someone, and how the narrator is going to make themselves a better person. Amazing poem Mak, write on!!!:):):)

    • michellezinkbooks permalink*
      June 29, 2010 12:09 am

      Like Alix’s letters, I’ve come to feel and hear your voice in your work, Mak. It’s stark. Sometimes even brutal and bleak. But it’s always you and triumph always pays a role at some point.

      My favorite?

      I am an oddity,
      In perfection
      Like you.

      LOVE. So much promise in your work, hon. Keep at it.

      MZ

      • mak...XD permalink
        June 30, 2010 11:50 am

        thanks, michelle…i know its a little late to reply to ur comment and it’s because i haven’t checked my comments in daaays. sometimes i can be very self conscience….i feel put down and left aside…that is what this poem is about. that’s why i wrote it. i have another like it that i will post some other TNW…. thank you michelle, again.

  6. June 25, 2010 8:39 am

    day eighteen of the thirty days of letters challenge;
    especially liked this one, and i had to do some quick editing before leaving for work in five minutes. i’ve been sooooo busy with working full-time now that school is over that i haven’t posted on my tumblr account in a while, but i have been going strong in the challenge! i hope you like this letter, enjoy! :]

    —————

    dear me,

    you are strong and beautiful and intelligent and every boy’s dream. you are a good catholic girl and a model daughter and honest and empathetic. you are deep and trusting and caring and the girl that every mother wants their son to marry. the white summer dress that you’re sporting is just another verification of your innocence, of your purity; it accentuates your kiss from the heavens in the form of a dark tan.

    i know that you’d like to believe this, but no, you’re a mistake that you’re trying to rearrange into something lyrical, a disaster that you’re trying to pretend is miraculous, when really you’re anything but.

    because you’re nothing more than the best personification of murphy’s law ever told. you’re nothing more than a wide grin that’s pulling apart my face at the seams, creating an impossibly large black hole where you used to be. you’re nothing more than a cheap trick that you try to pull late at night, but you figure that as long as you remember all of their names, you’re not a slut.

    because in reality, you’re tripping down the stairs and crashing through the third story window. you’re bleeding all over the asphalt and setting off the car alarms, tripping over pedestrians and letting my ribs break apart on the sidewalk. you’re a calamity, you’re a misfortune. you’ve got pollution boiling in your [my] veins and bone crushing nerves wrapped around your [my] wrists and a bitchsnake snapping at your [my] spine.

    you’re just silt, you’re just ash, you’re just hourglass sand running through your [my] fingers. you’re abrasive and cruel, arrogant and selfish. you’re heartless, you’re cold, you’re a sanctuary that’s been burned to the ground. you’re not a princess, you’re not a beloved, you’re not poetic or soft. no boy can hold your [my] chin and find andromeda by connecting the freckles on the bridge of your [my] nose.

    so open your eyes and try to see me for what i really am. i’m a mess and you shouldn’t want anything to do with me.

    i am only human, i can’t be perfect.

    • June 25, 2010 4:44 pm

      this is really good. the writing style is different and i like it 🙂

      • June 25, 2010 5:56 pm

        This was so beautiful. Sad, but incredibly beautiful. Amazing job!

    • June 26, 2010 12:13 am

      I love your letters Alix-wa *as I’ve probably said a million times*!!! This is such a beautiful and sad letter that everyone can relate too. No one sees themselves as perfect, I don’t think it’s possible to see yourself as perfect. We focus on the good and the bad, unfortunately the bad usually takes more focus on itself leaving the good to be unnoticed. I also think the thirty days of letters is such an interesting challenge, one I’ll definitely try when summer vacation starts for me *next Wed*. As always amazing letter Alix-wa, they always leaving me thinking:):):)

    • FlaglineGeek permalink
      June 27, 2010 1:36 pm

      I always love your writing. It’s so emotional, thought-provoking, and beautiful. I’m also so touched that you’re sharing this with us.

    • michellezinkbooks permalink*
      June 29, 2010 12:07 am

      Damn, Alix. You ARE talented.

      It’s amazing that even in your letters, you have such an impossibly unique voice. So utterly melancholy and poignant and hopeful all at the same time. It’s almost impossible for me to pick a favorite part, but if I had to it would probably be this;

      because in reality, you’re tripping down the stairs and crashing through the third story window. you’re bleeding all over the asphalt and setting off the car alarms, tripping over pedestrians and letting my ribs break apart on the sidewalk. you’re a calamity, you’re a misfortune. you’ve got pollution boiling in your [my] veins and bone crushing nerves wrapped around your [my] wrists and a bitchsnake snapping at your [my] spine.

      Love the insertion of “my” next to “your”, too.

      So impressed, hon. Would so love to see these letters end up as some kind of anthology.

      MZ

    • Rebekah permalink
      June 30, 2010 9:33 pm

      Damn. You are so unbelievably talented, Alix. I’m just…. wow. *speechless*

  7. Jana permalink
    June 25, 2010 1:21 am

    “The field’s openness is terrifying, though the sun shines brightly, turning gold the wild grass and swaying wheat that stretches in every direction. For all its beauty, the field leaves me no place to hide.”

    Swiftly I turn my head to all directions, desperately seeking cover. ‘Damn’ I think to myself, ‘No matter which direction I go, I’ll be found.’ There was no choice now, I had to wait for whoever has been chasing me, I had to fight.
    Planting my feet firmly on the ground, I braced myself. I reached back to grasp my bow, at this point it was my only weapon. Who I was at the Academy couldn’t possibly have anything to do with this stalker, at least, that’s what I was telling myself.
    I felt goose flesh rise on my arms as the air suddenly became colder as it whipped ferociously around me. Something felt wrong.
    I looked around me again, took in the surrounds, even though I just had done this. Everything looked the same. The wheat is still moving all around, the sun is still burning down on me, but it felt colder. Through all the bright and warm beauty around me, this place was dark. It was then I heard a deep, menacing chuckle that seemed to be coming from all directions.
    My grip on the hilt of my bowing arrow became almost as painful as it was unbreakable. I tried to find where the laugh was coming from, but it seemed to be everywhere. The wind held and blew it around me, it seeped through the soil in the earth.
    The longer I stood, the colder it became. Even though around me appeared unchanged, the temperature consistently dropped where I stood. A chill went up my spine as I realized, the laughter had stopped.
    I shut my eyes as tightly as I could, hoping that the tighter I close them everything would disappear.
    “Hello, my love.” I felt the chill of his breath as he spoke, his lips gently grazing my ear. I kept my eyes shut, refusing to believe this was happening.
    I managed to answer back, but it barely came out as a whisper through clenched teeth. “I thought I killed you.”
    He chuckled and I could once again feel his frigid breath lightly brush against the nape of my neck. I could feel him become a little closer, lips pressing against my ear as he spoke “You can’t kill what’s already dead.”
    I shot my eyes open and turned to face him, I screamed and dropped to my knees.
    I was alone.

    • June 25, 2010 4:46 pm

      wow I really like the concept of this story 🙂 keep it up

      • Jana permalink
        June 25, 2010 8:01 pm

        Thank you so much! =D ❤

    • June 26, 2010 12:08 am

      Oh wow!!! This is amazing Jana!!!:):):) Absolutely creepy!!! I love the suspense and mystery, I also love the sense of it getting colder despite the warmth of the sun. I absolutely love the last part with Creepy Guy at the end disappearing, he sent shivers down my spine!!! Awesome job Jana, hope for more of this!!!:):):)

      • Jana permalink
        June 26, 2010 10:15 pm

        Oh my gosh, thank you so much!! I was worried no one else would really like it! =) I’m so glad you enjoyed it!!!

    • michellezinkbooks permalink*
      June 29, 2010 12:03 am

      I really like the action in this piece! Your dialogue is simple but has a lot of impact, as with this piece;

      “You can’t kill what’s already dead.”

      I also like some of the subtle hints you’ve dropped about the Academy and the narrator’s nemesis.

      Would definitely like to hear more!

      MZ

      • Jana permalink
        June 30, 2010 3:31 am

        =) Thank you so much! ❤ I'm so happy that people like my writing! ESPECIALLY an author, who uses the writing style that I love! I can't wait until Thursday, so I can continue!! ❤

  8. Ayla permalink
    June 25, 2010 12:39 am

    Hey Prophecy Peeps! Sorry I haven’t posted on TNW in a while… I’ve had a severe case of writers block. Life also sucks right about now… my family and I are moving to Florida, leaving my BFF Sierra behind in Texas… There is another options, but my mom would have to pick up so many hours that we would only see her 4 hours a week! When I saw the prompt though, I decided to fit it around my situation… It started out as a tear jerker, but I edited it and now its a comedy.
    ~~~~~~~~~~~

    I sat in the grass, staring up at the sky. The sun was out, staring at me as if I was doing something wrong. This stupid field wasn’t hiding me enogh. I didn’t know why I wanted to hide… Pretty soon, I’d be moving back to my homestate in florida, living at the campgrounds that I had loved on an old vacation. I’d be homeschooled until my mom found a steady job. So why wasn’t I happy? I’ll tell you why. Just in January I moved to a different school blah blah blah. Who really wants to listen to this whining sh*t? Heres the short story- I went to middle school. I made friends. My parents temporarily separated. I fell apart. I moved during second semester. My parents got back together. I made new friends. Summer came. I’m moving again. I am really upset. Ok…. Theres the short story. I sat up, wiping my eyes… Oh you think I’m crying? Oh no, Its just that the pollen levels are really high and it doesn’t really help that I’m sitting in a field filled with weeds. Ok, back to the story. I knew just what to do. Call Batman. Wait… who edited my story? Ugh. Whatever. As I was saying, the only thing I could do was spiderman, spiderman. Does whatever a spider can. Can he- WAIT! Omigosh! Who in the world is editing my story? Ok… well, I give up. I’m going to sleep.

    -Ayla
    (and superman!!!)
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
    Hope you liked it 🙂

    • June 25, 2010 4:52 pm

      lol this confused me I got the whole beginning part but then I was confused…was the girl in the story writing this down, like why was there random superheroes inserted lol just a clarification plz lol

      • June 26, 2010 12:48 pm

        obviously I’m laughing about it cuz it was a “oh my god what’s going on” type thing, I do like it cuz it’s very different from anything i’ve read; just thrown off cuz I’ve never seen anything like it lol good job good luck with the move

    • michellezinkbooks permalink*
      June 25, 2010 10:04 pm

      Oh, Sweets! This is good! Honest and raw and true. You had me smiling but also feeling your sadness.

      I especially love this part;

      Oh you think I’m crying? Oh no, Its just that the pollen levels are really high and it doesn’t really help that I’m sitting in a field filled with weeds.

      It’s funny, but it makes your rethink your laughter, too. It makes you wonder if you MEAN to be funny or if the story is just a cover up for the melancholy underneath it.

      Very nice job, hon.

      And on another note; I'm so sorry you're going through yet another change. I moved A LOT as a kid, and most of the time, it really sucked. Looking back, it did make me resilient and capable and independent. Moving so much also made me appreciate different places, and to this day I LOVE to move around and to travel.

      But I know none of that helps right now. So I'll just say this. One of the best things about online friendships is that they are portable. We go where you go. And we'll be here for you no matter where you live. Even if it takes you awhile to get settled and find a regular internet connection, we'll be here when waiting when you get back.
      *hugs*

    • June 26, 2010 12:00 am

      Hi Ayla!!! Amazing story!!!:):):) It’s short, sweet and with a touch of humor. I think you wrote it in the perfect mind of a teenager, just wanting to get to the details, be strong and hide feelings and of course changing thoughts to think of random things *nananananananana Batman!!!:):):)* I really love this story, you can really feel emotion in it.

      I’m so sorry you’re moving Ayla!!! I’m sure you and your friend will stay in touch and that you will make a whole bunch of new friends!!! Let us know how it goes when you move *if you want to of course ;)*

      P.S: I don’t want Batman or Superman or Spiderman!!! I’m more of a Villian Girl ;P Hooray for the Joker!!!:):):)

  9. June 24, 2010 10:15 pm

    A written clue!!! *Reads the clue* Awesome!!!:):) I’m so excited for Guardian of the Gate, yeah for Alice being a villain, I’ll definitely vote for her!!!:):):)

    So this story in verse format is kind of a continuation from one I wrote three weeks ago *I think???* on here *Lake Clear Killer one* and a lot of people liked it so I tried to make it fit with the written prompt. Sorry it goes over the limit just a bit *503* Enjoy!!!:):):)
    ______________________________________________________________________

    I lie still, taking in the warmth of the sun
    I stretch like a flower, letting the golden light fill me head to toe
    My mind wanders to thoughts of old things and new
    When suddenly the dancing wheat is crunched by car tires

    I look up to see who it could be and am shocked by the person walking towards me
    Priscilla? Pimply Priscilla? From St. Clare’s Catholic Elementary School?
    (The only Catholic Elementary School in Lake Clear I might add)
    The most hated person in our class? Pimply, Putrid, Paranoid Priscilla

    Memories enter and I see the loner walking towards me as a pimple faced fifth grader
    Discovering the Smear campaign dedicated especially to her
    I see myself with the hated girl pretending to be her friend,
    Really only wanting to know where her house was so the class and I could Egg it later

    Ahh, good memories.

    She walks towards me and she tries to make a conversation about the most popular subject in town:
    The Lake Clear Killer
    Murderer to currently counting three youths who graduated St. Clare’s in 2008, my grade, her grade
    All the students had been questioned and found innocent; the teachers were now being accused of the crime

    I tell her it’s strange but truthfully it’s frightening
    Three people, three friends in my class murdered by poison, gas, and drowned
    One, Kathy Doyle missing. Probably dead. Could I be next?
    I shake the disturbing thought away, if it should be anyone it should be Priscilla, no sadness for her death

    “I’m not worried,” she says innocently, playing with her hair.
    “I’ve never done anything bad, but you did.” Her strange blue eyes look at me,
    “You pretended to be my friend. You made me sad, everyone made me sad.” She says angrily, then focus’ again on me
    “I didn’t like that.”

    I suddenly realize how far I am from home and how desolate the field is
    Priscilla saunters towards me and from her flowing jacket she pulls out a knife
    Fear pierces my heart as I realize there is no where I can run
    No one to here me if I scream

    “Let’s make this easy,” she smiles eerily, all sanity gone from her eyes
    The knife comes at me from the side and I scream in pain, she stabs again in my stomach twice
    I double over, pain shooting through my body, nowhere to go, no where to run
    She grabs me from under my arms and drags me to her car, I see a faint reddish brown line of rust…no
    Blood

    My mind is reeling, Priscilla forces me up, opens the trunk still smiling at me madly
    “Say hi to Kathy for me.”
    I look down at the trunk and my eyes meet with Kathy’s empty brown ones
    I turn towards Priscilla in fear, she pulls my hair back exposing my throat
    Lastly, I scream as I feel the coldness slice through me
    I am the fifth victim of the Lake Clear Killer

    • Jana permalink
      June 25, 2010 1:22 am

      I really enjoyed this! =) I’ve always been a sucker for stories like this, well done!

    • June 25, 2010 4:55 pm

      wow good job, this had my heart beating pretty quickly, she was just so cruel and cold, like the murders were nothing and I love that. The descriptions is great 🙂

    • FlaglineGeek permalink
      June 25, 2010 9:49 pm

      Holy crap! This is so scary, yet awesome! It had me pulled in, heart beating quickly, wondering what was going to happen next.

    • michellezinkbooks permalink*
      June 25, 2010 9:56 pm

      Wow… RTK! You’ve outdone yourself. This is very, vary dark, and one thing I love about things written in verse is that it makes me take a closer look. I have to let it sit a bit to really “get” it all, you know? All the nuance.

      This is especially true in this piece. I love this;

      I tell her it’s strange but truthfully it’s frightening
      Three people, three friends in my class murdered by poison, gas, and drowned

      Crazy, shivery, good!

      MZ

      • June 25, 2010 11:28 pm

        This was really creepy, and really awesome!! I’m so glad you kept with this story line, its a really great one. It’s suspenseful and creepy, and just really great, i’m looking forward to more!

    • June 25, 2010 11:53 pm

      Oh wow!!! Thanks everyone I’m really glad you like it!!! Truthfully, I’m kind of disapointed with this, I thought the first was so much better, I tried continuing because a lot of people wanted more and I’m really glad you all liked it!!!:):):)

      @Jana: I’m glad you liked it Jana, I don’t really write stories like this, I’ve only written three *counting this one* but I think I’ll try more writing in the creepy, horror theme. Glad you liked it:):):)

      @Melissa: Thanks Melissa, I tried to make it creepy and suspenseful. There’s actually a reason for Priscilla murdering her classmates *I posted it about three weeks ago* basically she was constantly made fun of and how finally she decided she wouldn’t let her classmates make her feel worthless, how she’ll kill them so they can feel her pain, only much worse.

      @FlaglineGeek: I’m so glad you liked it as well FlaglineGeek!!!:):):) I’m so glad it could pull you in when I think it’s probably the worst thing I’ve ever posted on TNW!!! Thanks so much!!! I’m really glad you liked it, it makes me happy and that I didn’t epically fail at this:):):)

      @MichelleZink: Thanks Michelle!!! I’ve been writing more into the dark genre, probably because I’m looking into reading more scary stories and movies. Scary stories and movies usually *always* scare me, but I usually find them interesting especially psychotic horror when it isn’t a supernatural force killing someone but an actual person, it makes it so much scarier. I’ve started writing in verse because I notice you can fit in and describe so much more when you limit yourself to four or five lines:):):) Glad you liked it Michelle, thanks for commenting:):):):)

      @Meagan: Thanks Meagan!!!:):):) You’re one of the people who convinced me to write a continuation of the Lake Clear Killer!!! Thank you so much, if it wasn’t for you saying you wanted to read more I probably wouldn’t have written any!!! I’m thinking of writing one more story on the Killer but I have some more horror stuff brewing in my mind. Thank you so much for inspiring me to continue with this story!!!:):):) You rock!!!:):):)

      • June 26, 2010 12:50 pm

        oh wow cool thanks for telling me..I just started getting into these things and man I’m loving being involved in it 🙂
        Great story!

  10. June 24, 2010 8:00 pm

    This is a scene I wrote just now–I used the space on a beach instead of a field, but I use characters from my new project, a contemporary YA.

    White sand stretches between me and Tobias. His eyes are full, so full. I close my eyes against the betrayal I see in that brilliant gaze that has always captivated me. If I speak, will it make it worse? Will it ease the terrible coldness in his eyes? I have never seen his eyes this cold.

    The stretch of sand that separates us is mere feet. It is a tiny sliver of land, filled with millions of thousands of grains—and each one feels like a grainy accusation against me. I brush my hands against my jean clad thighs, the pristine white sand scrapping my tender palms.

    “Your home early,” I murmur, thickly. He laughs, a sound that crashes like the water on the sand. I know, instinctively, the ocean will always remind me of this sound. Of this moment. I feel like I’m drowning, and burning, and—unbelievably—flying.

    I should feel guilty, should rip away from Jay, from where his arms circles my shoulders. But I have never been able to remove myself from Jay. Isn’t that what was so intoxicating about him, that first day? Even with the betrayal and sadness in Tobias gaze, I cannot force myself to pull away. He gives me the freedom that no one has ever given. He allows me to be me—broken, flawed, imperfect.

    They are my two stars, and the force of them is pulling at me, suffocating and burning. No one can survive both Tobias and Jay—they are too volitale and intense.

    My love for them will consume me, if I let it. Will burn me to ashes.

    • June 24, 2010 8:12 pm

      this is good but I thought the point was to play off of the passage given? You set it on a beach instead of a field, but this scene could have still taken place in the given passage. Your use of description is great and I think you could have made it work great.
      Good luck with your YA piece. The characters sound interesting and the friction between them is great.

      • June 24, 2010 8:31 pm

        haha, yeah…I tried to come up with something about meadows–but I wasn’t inspired to write about a field this time. I was inspired by the open spaces and the tension. 🙂
        Glad you enjoyed the characters!! 🙂

    • michellezinkbooks permalink*
      June 24, 2010 8:18 pm

      Nazarea… you know how much I love your writing, and this is no exception.

      This part is incredible;

      He laughs, a sound that crashes like the water on the sand. I know, instinctively, the ocean will always remind me of this sound. Of this moment. I feel like I’m drowning, and burning, and—unbelievably—flying.

      Lyrical and beautiful and full of imagery.

      I really can’t wait to see what you do with this one!

      MZ

      • June 24, 2010 8:21 pm

        yeah I liked that part a lot too. It’s so…real. 🙂

      • June 24, 2010 8:29 pm

        Thanks!! I’m working on the first draft of this novel–it’s emotionally draining, but I’m liking it.

      • June 24, 2010 8:32 pm

        emotionally draining? That’s not good! lol Is it difficult to write with it being so draining, like does it taqke you longer to get it out on paper?

    • June 24, 2010 10:18 pm

      I love this Nazarea!!! I love the water imagery and the emotion of the narrator!!! I can see the beach so clearly!!! Please write more, this is really good!!! Awesome job as always Nazarea:):):)

    • FlaglineGeek permalink
      June 25, 2010 10:21 pm

      I always love your pieces. This is written wonderfully. I love the descriptions and the emotion.

  11. June 24, 2010 7:56 pm

    “The field’s openness is terrifying, though the sun shines brightly, turning gold the wild grass and swaying wheat that stretches in every direction. For all its beauty, the field leaves me no place to hide.”

    My head swirls with the thought of what comes for me, i’ve become the hunted the voice of my former family radiating through the golden haze around me. Their voices harmonize in a low grumble and rise in a crescendo of howls and whines, their warnings and battle cries rippling over my body causing the fur along my back to twitch and stand on end. I search the open field frantically for any possible hole or mass to hide myself in, my heart pounds within me as I begin to hear their footfalls; some running and some creaping towards me, I’m still not in their line of sight but time is running out.
    I take one final look in the direction of those who follow; a small whimper escaping me, and I turn making my way as quickly and quietly through the field. The wind rustles through the grasses covering any small noise that my feet make, I begin to quicken my pace as I hear a rumbling growl growing closer behind me. Now at a run, I burst forth into a patch of open area forcing myself to a stop as I come face to face with my father. The pack slowly closes in around me and I am trapped, the members behind me snapping their jaws in anger and frustration “i’m sorry father” I whine as I lower myself into submission “Mila, running only makes you guilty” his voice is low and I hear pain within it’s depths “you must be punished for what you’ve done.” “It was an accident” I cry as I raise myself up slightly, lowering back down immediately once my father growls. My mother shows up at his side anguish written in her eyes “you got your brother captured Mila…the pack is furious and they want justice for the loss of their future Alpha” my mother lowers herself next to my father, clearly marking him;as Alpha, to make the decision. He looks at me with anger and humiliation; whipsers roll around me, my chest aches with the memory of what happened, my heart races as my father steps forward “I banish you from this family” and with that he bites into my flank, leaving me there, bleeding and alone. Could have been worse…He could have killed me.

    • michellezinkbooks permalink*
      June 24, 2010 8:15 pm

      Oh, man… I love this, Melissa. Especially this part;

      Their voices harmonize in a low grumble and rise in a crescendo of howls and whines, their warnings and battle cries rippling over my body causing the fur along my back to twitch and stand on end.

      First of all, I can see and hear and feel everything. But also, you dro that little gem about the fur. Very subtle, but enough to make you sit up ad go, “Fur? Wha?!”

      Very nicely done! And FAST!

      MZ

      • June 24, 2010 8:18 pm

        aww thanks so glad you liked it! I read the blurb and I knew right away what I wanted to write…I never thought I could come up with something on the spot like that 🙂

        this is fun I like these improvs

        hugs
        Mels

    • June 24, 2010 8:22 pm

      Nice writing. I’d like to know more–what she did, ya know?
      The formatting was distracting–if you broke it up a little, I think it would flow better. But sometimes the format gets thrown here, so no worries.

      • June 24, 2010 8:30 pm

        yeah I wanted to write what she did but with a 500 word limit it’s tough cuz I wanted to get this part in for sure. Thanks for the feedback, i’ve had issues with my formatting before; but I know I should have divided it better. I’m new to writing so i’m still learning 🙂
        thank you 🙂

    • June 24, 2010 10:22 pm

      Oh wow Melissa this is amazing!!! I like how it’s on the perspective of a wolf, very different but great choice of writing!!! I can feel how guilty Milas is, it’s so sad!!! I really want to read more of this, it would make an awesome novel!!!:):):):) Awesome job Melissa!!!:):):)

    • Ayla permalink
      June 24, 2010 11:57 pm

      :O

      woah… This would make an AWESOME novel!!! Good job!

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