Not So Old Fashioned Advice; What Did I Do Wrong?
I’ll post my advice, but I’d love to see you guys add your thoughts, experiences, and advice to mine to help this teen out. And if you’d like to ask a question for a future column, just leave it in the Comments section of this post.
Remember; If you list yourself as Anonymous, no one will know who you are!
I have a good friend who suddenly stopped talking to me a few months ago. I had no idea why but recently I heard that it’s because someone else told her I said something about her that I didn’t say. I’ve tried talking to her, but she just blows me off. Part of me wants to keep trying to talk to her about it but part of me is mad that she assumed the thing she heard is true. I feel like if she cared about our friendship she’d at least ask me if it was true before throwing away our friendship. What do you think I should do?
Oh, man… I feel for you, Baffled. I really do. And I admit, I’ve been on both sides of this coin. I’ve had people give me the cold shoulder for no apparent reason (though, unlike you, I’m usually oblivious that anyone’s even been talking smack) and, in my less mature moments (before I came to my senses), have been so angry at something I HEARD someone had said about me that I’ve given THEM the cold-shoulder.
I’m alwasy torn about confronting the cold-shoulder bearer in these cases. I despise drama, so my instinct is to say nothing and assume they’ll either pull their head out of their @#$ and realize, “Oh, yeah! I’m totally blowing someone off based on something I heard second-hand” or at least come talk to me about it to clear the air. To me, these things are preferable to saying, “I heard that you heard that I said something that I didn’t say.” Because that’s just kind of like, “WTF?”
But it sounds like you’re ahead of me on this one, since you’ve already tried talking to your friend, and if she is still blowing you off, the only thing I can think of it to write a letter in a last-ditch effort to straighten things out.
Hey, what can I say? I’m a WRITER. I tend to think writing can pretty much solve all my problems. 😀
Seriously, though. If you’re still not ready to let the matter drop, I’d try writing a really heartfelt letter explaining what you heard was said versus what REALLY happened (or didn’t). Let your friend know how much her friendship means to you and how hurt you are that she isn’t willing to talk the matter through with you.
But here’s the thing; if your friend STILL isn’t willing to have an honest conversation with you about it, you’re going to have to let it go. It’ll hurt, and if you’re like me, the injustice of it will feel like it’s going to KILL you. But it won’t. You’ll move on and you’ll continue to make new friends. And in your heart of hearts, you’ll know what happened. That’s what counts.
Good luck, Sweets! I wish you a life full of friendship.