Not So Old Fashioned Advice; Should I Keep My Short Hair?

Following is this week’s question for Not So Old Fashioned Advice. Please pitch in by leaving your advice for this teen in the comments section.

My magic pants and I can’t do everything, ya know. 😀

PS. Remember to leave your questions for future Not So Old Fashioned Advice columns in the Comments section of this post.

I just started a new school, and I have been having an ANNOYING problem! See, I am tomboy and have short hair… (long hair annoys me)

Well, EVERYBODY thinks I am a boy!!! (except some new friends)

On top of that there is this girl who is an absolute b… Female dog!!!

Everybody hates her because she thinks she is the boss of the school and throws out horrible comments about the others. I have been called ugly, fat, and that I look like a boy to her! I don’t take it personally… But I am worried that others will! I am kind of the shy girl so I don’t have the courage to tell a teacher…

I need advice on how to look more feminine while still not going 100% girly girl and how I can defend others (and myself) from that one girl!

– ShortHairedNewGirl

First of all, let me just say that I totally admire girls who can rock short hair. It takes a certain brand of self-confidence to pull it off, and the very fact that some girl in your new school is giving you grief over it tells me that you must pull it off with flair.

Otherwise, you wouldn’t even be on her rader.

That’s because people who pick on other people are usually painfully insecure. They spend their time pointing out other people’s perceived flaws in a desperate attempt to keep people from seeing their own. It doesn’t work, of course, because then everybody just sees THEIR flaws AND thinks they’re @#$holes.

But I digress.

There are really two issues here. The first is the fact that this girl will NOT leave you alone and is basically a bully. The fact that her intimidation has been verbal instead of physical is beside the point. She’s picking on you (and it sounds like a lot of others) and that’s just plain unacceptable. You don’t say how old you are, which can make a difference. If you’re in middle school, you should go tell a trusted adult about this girl’s behavior. I know it’s hard to stand up in a situation like this, ESPECIALLY if you’re shy (my oldest son is extremely shy as well), but it’s IMPORTANT. Someone has to make it known or she’s just going to keep doing it. In this case, speaking out takes real courage, but I can already tell from your question that you have the guts to do it. Since there are other kids being picked on as well, you might try to convince one ore two of them to come with you. Your complaint will carry more weight if there’s more than one of you and it will make it easier, too. Ask the adult in whom you confide to keep your name out of it, and they should be more than happy to honor your request for anonymity. Since this girl picks on lots of different people, a simple, “We’ve been getting complaints about bullying,” is all the principal should have to say.Schools take bullying a to more seriously than they used to, and I’d be willing to bet someone will step in and speak to her. If you’re in high school, I recognize that it can be tough to “tell.” In this case, I’d suggest allying yourself with some of her other victims (or anyone else, really). Bullies tend to pick on people who are alone, and if you band together, she might think twice before picking on ANY of you.

The other issue is one of CHOICE. If you LIKE your look, screw everybody else (sorry if that offends)! Seriously, you’re not living your life or dressing yourself for anybody but you. All that matters is that YOU like your look.

But it’s also perfectly normal to re-evaluate it from time to time, especially as a teenager. I have a tomboy, rocker-girl myself. She hasn’t shown much interest in fashion until recently, but lately, she’s been trying to soften her rocker-girl image with one slightly-more feminine piece each day. She might wear black leggings and tough, black boots, but she’ll throw a black-and-gray skirt over the top of the leggings to add a bit more “girl” to the “rocker”. But never pink! Don’t even say the word!

😀

She might wear black skinny jeans with a Star Wars t-shirt (I kid you not!), but she’ll throw on a cuter, black sweater and save the olive-green army coat for a time when she’s wearing something a bit more feminine to go with it.

By adding one, even slightly feminine thing to your usual tomboy-cool look, you can soften things up a bit.

But the key is; ONLY IF YOU WANT TO! Because you should never let someone else’s small-minded view of how you should be, look, talk, act, etc., make you do something you don’t want to do. I’ve been there, Sweets, and there’s no happiness down that road.

So promise me that whatever else you decide, you’ll be YOU first. No matter what.

And come back and let me know how you’re doing, okay?

❤

MZ